My College Friends

I came to my college like a newborn baby

Scared and anxious

Alone with people who I don't know

But my age takes my privilege to cry out for help

So I sat in silence screaming on the inside

I clawed at my self esteem bumping into people with the same skin as me

Couldn't hear the interest, couldn't feel the kindness

Numbed by self loathing and years of shyness

Dreams fuel my suicidal tendencies

Mind blown that people would be friends with someone like me

But as you can see we grew closer

Which surprised me because most my memories are of my drama

Dragging them to my hell so of course I feel kind of

Shitty, bitchy, underserving of such love and kindness

Blessed to be surrounded by people who are so opened minded

Crying in the bathroom

From getting bullied in my dorm room

Breathing in while letting my shame out on them

The most embarrassing thing was during a conversation I deposit

What I sometimes do in my college closet

I'm calm now but it's hard to hide my fear

That all my friends will soon disappear

Growing emotionally and/or physically distant

Like a memory of the other friends I miss

And I'll try to calm down and just happy that I have the friends I have now