taste | e.d

twenty

Ethan

I forget if it's been days or weeks or months.

I stopped leaving my house, resorting to solitary confinement.

Every time I glance at myself in the mirror I have to look twice to see if the blue streak in my hair is actually real because nothing else seems to be.

My hands were stained blue the day I dyed my hair again, reminding me of the night before the TCAs where I chased Grayson throughout the apartment building, trying to stain his white shorts.

For once, something that reminded me of him didn't make me want to cry.

Shannon swings by sometimes to make sure I'm not poisoning myself. She makes me take my meds and drink three bottles of water by the time she leaves.

We used to clash a lot, but now I'm starting to see why Kendall Rose likes her so much.

She's fiercely protective of everything she cares about. She's independent and never afraid to take a risk.

I decided to ask her one day, why she decided to help me. No one is forcing her to. I've made assumptions, but I want to hear it from her.

It was in the middle of the night. She sometimes stayed the night at my place, claiming that her apartment reminded her too much of how alone she was without Kendall Rose there. I was familiar with the feeling.

She was watching some cop show, a bowl of popcorn sitting in her lap.

"Hey," she said, without looking at me.

I nodded at her.

"What's up?"

"I have a question."

"Yeah? You're shirtless, by the way."

"I know."

"Doesn't bother you at all?"

"Why would it bother me?"

She paused the TV and looked at me. "Never mind. What's the question?"

I started feeling cold, so I tightly crossed my arms over my chest. "Why are you helping me?"

"For my own satisfaction as a selfless human."

"Shannon."

"Maybe I just want to help you because I want to help someone out for once. I never help anyone. I was the stupid captain of the cheerleading squad and everyone did everything for me. I didn't even bat an eyelash for those who really needed my attention. I was a stupid kid."

"I think you're only telling me half the truth."

"You didn't let me finish. As much as I despise you, Ethan, the other reason I'm helping you is because you saved my best friend's life."

I bit my lip. It was so long ago. Decades. We were two different people then.

"But I messed it all up," I said.

"You couldn't have known that was coming. You made a mistake."

"Shannon, I had sex with her the night before I ruined her. What does that say about me? I tell her I love her so many times and the next day I hold a gun to her head!"