Finding myself (a klaroline fanfic)

D e c i s i o n s (1)

Six months.

It's been six months since Klaus left after promising he will never come back. We think letting go will keep us intact, to help us drop the facade of pretendence yet it requires sheer force of will to do so.

I was finally getting used to of him not being there but he returned. Ignorance seemed appropriate at first albeit the emotions boiled up and they came out as anger. There was an inner battle going on in my mind. I wanted to stop him from leaving but I knew better. I knew it was wrong, he was no good for me, that he will always be a slave to his anger, envies and wishes, nonetheless I gave in. I believed that closure was an integral initiative for moving on but it's what we do. We make erroneous justifications for our reckless doings that are in fact our heart's desires.

Tyler left for his revenge. He chose revenge from Klaus over me. I fought for us, I disputed the battles that weren't even mine to begin with. His revenge fantasy hazed his mind and clouded his judgement but when I came to think of it, there was so much one can take and the trigger was bounded at a point.

I gave up hope of him returning. My immortality was being elapsed seeing Elena and Damon happy and Stefan sulking into a deeper abyss. He hadn't accepted that the love of his life left to be with his brother. He was my best friend and I wanted nothing more than his happiness. Elena, she was doing everything in her will to push everyone away. She used Stefan and when he began to bore her she jumped on the next brother but whatever she did wrong, it still stung seeing her building walls around herself.

Klaus had left for good. At least that's what I was making myself believe. The Big Bad Hybrid somehow provided me comfort even though he was not physically present. He was the only one who made me believe that someone cared enough to stick with me, to wait for me forever. I knew I shouldn't have believed him because apparently he had moved on but I was stuck where he left me.

My mind was a turmoil. Oblivion, hurt, hope and an unexplainable yearning and emptiness being dormant. I needed to get over him. I needed to find myself.