City of Heavenly Fire - Mortal Instruments Fanfic

21. The Talk

Hey everyone! So school’s starting back up at the end of this week, yeah cos the Aussies have all been on holidaaayyyyy and now it’s coming to an end. So I don’t know if this means that I will post more or less content, but just wanted to let you guys know in case I don’t post for a period of time. But it really shouldn’t be too much of a difference. Anyway enjoy this chapter!

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 Izzy sat deep in thought in her room; her cheeks tear stained, and hardened with mascara that had run from her eyes. This was so unlike Izzy, to be so careless about the way she looked. But then again, who would have cared if they had been what she had been through?

Collapsing on her bed she thought.

‘How am I going to survive right now? Jace is plagued with heavenly fire, and Alec is dead. No one understands me.’ She sighed at the thought. ‘Maybe mom and dad do. Well actually they don’t. They never knew Alec and Jace like I did. And then there’s Clary. She wasn’t even that close with Alec, and there’s still hope that Jace is alive. But there isn’t for Alec. He’ll never come back. I wished he could just come back from the dead like Jace did. Why does life hate me so much?’

She turned her head to the side, as her eyes landed on the table beside her bed. She stared at the shiny tip of her seraph blade – how it would be so easy to plunge it into her chest and let it take away all her anger, sadness, hurt and emptiness. Just like she would plunge it into a demon, and the evilness and dark emotions would vanish from the world.

But Izzy knew better. She knew that she wouldn’t let the moment get the best of her. That would be stupid, and selfish. She would be letting go of the world so that everything would be easier for her, and hurting everyone around even further.  She couldn’t imagine her parents, having two dead children and one dying child. Perhaps selfish was just an understatement.

‘But then who did understand her?’ She thought. ‘Maybe Magnus. Even though Alec and him had broken up, she had seen the way Magnus had reacted to Alec until now. And it was rather evident, really, that he still LOVED him. Something that she felt for Simon. Maybe, just maybe, that was somewhat closer to being comparable to how she felt.

Before she realized, she felt her feet carrying her weak self to his guest room in the institute and knocking on his door.

“Magnus?” She spoke as she knocked on his door.

“What do you want?” He seemed rather pissed. “I want to be left alone.”

“I just wanted to-“

“Just leave me alone.”

Izzy sighed. Despite Magnus’ wishes, she pushed his room door open, lucky to find it unlocked. She saw Magnus who lay face down on his bed.

Without looking, Magnus raised his hands at the door as if he were to cast magic, but he hesitated, and put it back down instead.

Izzy closed the door.

“Magnus I just wanted to talk.”

“At this time, really?”

Izzy looked at the clock on the wall. It was 2 in the morning.

“We don’t always sleep, remember?” Izzy reminded him.

“Yeah, I know.” He sighed, a sign of giving up. “So what did you want to talk about?”

Izzy paused for a moment, realizing that she didn’t really know why she was here either.

“Well,” she stated. “I guess I just wanted to talk about Alec.”

Magnus removed his face from the bed and looked at her for the first time. Izzy could see the emotions in his eyes; they were similar to hers. But there was one more thing to it – guilt. Izzy watched as Magnus, removed eye contact with her and sat up.

“I really wished that I never left Alec, you know? I mean, I know he shouldn’t have done what he did, but then again he’s just a human, and humans make mistakes. He’s only lived for so long, and he did it because he loved me, and he was just worried that because I will live forever that I would never truly love him back the way he did to me…. But I did love him, and I still do. And I should have shown it, but I didn’t.”

Izzy was right. He did love him. And yet at the same time she was lost for words.

“We’ll, for one, were not humans, we’re shadowhunters.”

Magnus shook his head.

“Details,” he paused. “I should’ve looked out for him that day. Then he wouldn’t have gotten hurt. Me more than anyone else. It was my fault. And don’t you dare tell me otherwise.”

“It wasn’t your fault Magnus. Just because you love him like you do doesn’t make you accountable for what happened.”

Magnus sighed. “You know, I have lived for so long, that sometimes I guess I just forget how short your lives actually are.”

Izzy looked at him in disgust.

“You know, Alec and all the shadowhunters are –“

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

Izzy squinted at him and then looked to the ground.

“It doesn’t matter. Really, it doesn’t. I’m going back to my room now.”

She got up and headed towards his door, when the door opened in front of her face and she stopped abruptly.

Robert appeared behind the door, and leaned in.

“Meeting down in the dining room in five minutes, everyone’s coming,” he said and left.

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Hey peeepps so it’s four in the morning but I don’t feel tired.. this world makes nooo senseee ya so I started writing two hours ago cos I just wasn’t tired and I still aren’t now. I don’t really feel like editing so I’ll just edit tomorrow. Ok I’ll stop writing useless messages you don’t need to read now. Alright. Pikachu says BYEEEEE!

Xoxoxoxoxoxox

Chloe