Her Sister's Fiancé - Book #1

Chapter 18

 The rain blinded her as she ran. Each footstep was taking her farther from the church, farther from Ethan. She didn't know where she was going, and she didn't particularly care at the moment. She just had to get away. It wasn't true, she told herself, Ethan couldn't love her; the very idea was beyond absurd. This was some kind of ridiculous dream, it had to be. Soon, she would open her eyes, and everything would go back to normal, but even the pouring rain that seeped through her clothes and soaked her skin seemed unable to bring her back to consciousness.

As she ran, she thought of all the time she had spent with Ethan and every word he had ever said to her. There had been nothing to indicate that he loved her, surely; it was all just fanciful imaginings. The only reason he'd kissed her was because he had to release his pent emotions. Yes, she tried to determine within herself, yes, that was the reason, but even as she repeated the thought in her head, she knew it wasn't true. What of the meadow?

She felt sobs rising within her at the thought. She hadn't allowed herself the freedom of crying in a long time, but with every step, she felt more ready to burst into uncontrollable sobs. She must be mad, insane, completely out of her mind to imagine Ethan would care for her, yet deep down inside of her, her feelings were asking 'why not? Why is it so impossible for him to love you?'

It wasn't fair. The tears came. It wasn't right. How could this be reality? The first man she had truly loved had to be engaged to her sister. It was all her fault. She had let him take her for drives and dance with her and kiss her, and she had let herself fall in love with him. Now, Cassandra would be surrounded by scandal, and she, Lavinia, would be the cause of her sister's unhappiness for the first time in her life, and she hated the thought.

Running out of breath, she dropped to the ground and watched the rain pelt the ground around her. She turned her face heavenward, focusing on the gray clouds as she wept. She tore the fancy hat from her head and threw it as far as she could. Why? Why did it have to be this way?

She had to get up, she knew, and she had to go. She had to get out of here before they came looking for her. Suddenly, a plan began to form in her head. All she had to do was get back to the Antrucha Manor, pack her bags, and take the public stage Brighton. All of this horrible scandal would go away, and Ethan would marry Cassandra, right? Yes, she had to do it, Ethan was first and foremost her sisters' fiancé, and she had no right to stay and rub it in her sister's face that a man had favored her over the charms and coquetry that Cassandra flaunted.

Burying her face in her hands, Lavinia sobbed. Why did it have to be this way? Why did it have to hurt so badly? She wished. . .oh, it didn't matter what she wished; it had already happened, and there was nothing wishing could do to change that. She wasn't good enough for Ethan, and she had to go before she hurt Cassandra further. Her head pounded heavily as she let her tears fall. She gasped for breath around the sobs that threatened to choke her.

It could have been so much easier if she could have quietly slipped away. Yes, she would still have a broken heart, but she would have felt that she was alone in feeling thus, and that would somehow have made everything easier. He'd said he loved her. The thought thrilled her even as she fell headlong into the depths of misery. The pounding in her head grew deafening, and she tried to cover her ears in an attempt to stop it. Then, she realized. It wasn't in her head.

Lifting her face, she frowned into the pouring rain without moving. Someone on horseback was coming. Suddenly, she got to her feet. Perhaps she could convince whoever it was to give her a ride back to the manor. If so, she could be gone that much quicker, and there would be no time for anyone to really look for her. She would write to her father later, of course, but for now she had to go without drawing any attention to herself.