Mad as Rabbits (Ryden)

2

I try not to think about Ryan as a finish unpacking. I mean I'm not going to lie, when I first saw Ryan I was attracted to him. But I quickly pushed those thoughts down because there's no way I could ever pursue something with him. I don't know what he's here for. Maybe he has some multi-personality disorder and he looks friendly right now but later tonight he'll try to smother me with a pillow. There could be a number of things wrong with him. It's not like he's in a mental hospital for a nice vacation. Oh god, what if he really is crazy. He might try to kill me while I'm asleep, or even when I'm awake. There's at least seven ways he could kill me right now.

"Brendon?" A nurse asks from the doorway and breaks me from my thoughts, which is probably a good thing. I look over to her and she takes that as a signal to continue. "Dr. Fisher won't be able to see you today. She has to deal with another patient but she'll see you tomorrow." I nod my head and say a simple okay. The nurse leaves the room without paying any attention to Ryan.

I was completely relieved. I was already overwhelmed enough, I definitely didn't need a new therapist on top of everything else.

"Are you hungry?" Ryan asks a few minutes after I had finished unpacking. Now that I think about it I am hungry. I didn't eat breakfast this morning and its already past noon.

"Yeah actually." I say. He stands up shutting his book and motioning for me to follow him as he exits the room. He leads me to the cafeteria, which also resembles a high school cafeteria, and I stand in line next to him to get food. I settle for a salad and Ryan gets nothing mumbling something about not being hungry. I want to tell him that he should eat something because he's far too skinny but I refrain. We sit at an empty table in the corner of the room near a large window.

I eat my salad in silence for a while before Ryan speaks again. "Why are you here?" He asks. He seemed far to interested in the answer but covered it well. If I weren't so good at reading people I probably wouldn't have noticed.

"Does it matter?" I reply with an unintentional angry bite to my words. Normally I would have felt bad about snapping at someone like that but the question was way too personal and Ryan is out of line for asking.

He recoiled back defensively lifting his arms. "Hey, sorry man, I didn't mean to make you angry. I was just trying to start a conversation."

I felt the tension I didn't know I was building dissipate almost immediately. "Sorry man, I didn't mean to snap like that. I just-" I sighed "Never mind."

I guess I had caused a scene because there were anxious eyes scanning me from all corners of the room. My stomach twisted as I felt their judgmental piercing eyes and I felt a cloud of anxiety wash over me. Only being brought back to reality when Ryan lays a hand on my arm. "Hey, it's okay. Let's just go back to the room, yeah?" I nod my head and get up, throwing away my half eaten salad on our way out. I suddenly feel bad for snapping at Ryan earlier. There was something oddly comforting about him that alleviated my anxiety unlike any medication ever had.

~~~~~~~~~~

The more time I spend here, the more I realize how much I hate it. From the taupe walls, that are just the right shade to make you want to kill yourself, to the tiled linoleum floor. I hate every inch of it. I stare into the darkness at the ceiling, the only light coming from the small barred window. They called lights out about twenty minutes ago but no one in their right mind goes to sleep that early. But then again, none of the people here are in their right minds.

The rest of the day was uneventful and boring. There were two more group therapies, dinner and a bunch of other shit I'm already trying to repress. Ryan has basically the same schedule as except he has a different therapist. So at least I got to be with someone I know. I'm still not convinced he's normal but he's probably one of the most sane people in here and I'll take what I can get.

"You know, I'm not a crazy killer or anything." Ryan says from across the dark room. I thought he was already asleep but I guess not. At least I'm comforted in knowing he probably won't kill me, probably. "I just thought you'd want to know that. You seen a little... nervous? Scared? I'm not sure what the right emotion is but I can tell something's off."

"Thanks, that's actually really reassuring." I pause debating whether or not to continue. "I'm sorry I snapped at you earlier. I think I was just mad because I'm not really sure why I'm here. My therapist and parents just decided I was going. I don't really think they believe me when I say I'm not crazy." I glanced through the darkness in the area of Ryan's bed, the moonlight making it possible to see his skinny frame facing me. "I'm not crazy, by the way. People just think I am."

There's a long pause before Ryan says anything. "I get that. If it makes you feel any better I don't think you're crazy." Although I've heard that a hundred times before, from friends that eventually stopped talking to me, I actually believe Ryan when he says it. I don't feel the paranoid need I would normally have to ask him if he's being sincere. For some weird reason I know he means it.

"Thank you. That really means a lot too me." I say as I try to fight back the smile that's creeping it's way onto my lips. I feel an excited anxious feeling rise up in my stomach and for a second, I feel normal, like I'm not in a mental hospital, like I'm not on at least four different prescription drugs. I hold the feeling as long as I can before I drift off into a calming sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~

"You know, we don't really know that much about each other." I point out to Ryan, who is sitting in the armchair adjacent to mine. He has a book in his lap but he hasn't been reading it.

He pauses for a moment thinking. "I guess you're right. What do you want to know?" He asks, closing his book and turning to face me.

"I don't know, anything. What'd you do before you came here?"

He thinks for a minute like he can't remember, causing me to wonder how long he's been here. "I guess just regular stuff?" He says with a question to his tone. I give him a look that tells him to elaborate more and he does. "Um, I played guitar, read and wrote a lot, well I guess I still do all of those. I'd hang out with friends, listen to music. I can't really think of anything else." He laughs a little before continuing. "What about you?"

I pause trying to think of things to say that won't make me sound like a loser. "I played guitar too, well I played more than that but guitar was definitely my favorite." I smile at the memories of playing around with instruments in my garage with Dallon. "I guess music took up most of my free time, other than that I'd hang out with friends and stuff."

He smiles at my reply "So, music, there's at least one thing we have in common. What else to you play?"

I list off the instruments I can play decently and we keep talking about music for the remainder of our free time. After that I have to go to morning group then to see my therapist for the first time. I asked Ryan about her at breakfast, he said that he met her a few times and that she seemed nice. I just hope she's not like Dr. Newman, that woman hated me so much. She probably had valid reasons to, I wasn't exactly the perfect patient but I could always tell she didn't like me.

~~~~~~~~~~

Wow, I'm actually really excited for this fic. I'm not sure if I'll be updating it more often but I want to try to. I'm not sure what I'm doing with Falling Too. I might stop writing it but I'm not sure.

Thanks for reading! Comment, vote and all that Jazz if you liked it.