I do all i can to drown out the noise but all the memories still haunt me the decisions i made when i was yonger and foolish, some of them i continue to make now but one things for sure i found the only man i will want to be with forever i know it sounds crazy but i did i truly found the one that i can picture sitting on a swing qith when in 80 years old and im proud to call him mine, yet im worried bothered because she is coming back dragging uo the past working her way toward a futer will he think shes better he asures me not but i dont know because everyone who had me wanted her more theres something about her shes the golden trophy and im second place. I can't sleep or eat right now because ive been sick I'm trying to finish my exams but my boyfriends little brother left his tv on again boyfriend said its fine it shuts off in an hour nope that shit ended and replayed the movie its now almost 3 am and i have an english exam tomorrow and i can think is what the hell am i living for if im worried about her shes what got me into so much heart ache but without her i would have never gotten to the place i am today and i would have never met Reznor. I hope the barbie affect dosent happen here asbit did at the last school considering ive been here a year and i have one almost friend who only really talks to me because shes been friends with my boyfriends since they were little. Honestly id be a little mad if she manges easier here than me but its not hard to fit in when you conform to what they want and i wont do that sorry not sorry. Im not destroying my body with drugs and party so they all think im cool im perfectly fine sitting at home smoking my weed and working my ass off with that waitressing grind. I work for my money and i smoke a bit of pot that automatically puts me above almoat half of the school. Anyways so the girl kyla she just got back from "treatment" and i dont know what to think yet like she could very well be clean but who knows what her intentions are and shes hitting up old buddys of mone that i know still are around the stupid ass drugs and partying so im worried you know what they say old habbits die hard. I got out of that sence and ive gotten clean i can admitt ya i started doing coke,and meth and shit but at least i still go to school and i got clean on my own out of my pwn free will no one forced me to do anything i chose it for myself. So now im clean for almost a year my life is back on track and poof heres kyla who has even told me what was happening with her and suddenly im suposed ot be her bestie again and want to chill everyday and have her over at the house. Like i live with my boyfriends family so its not just me and him theres his mom, dad, and his little brother. I dont wanna bring someone i dont trust into their home. Because when i did put my trust in her i ended up with a drug problem and almost got arrested a few times (like 3). So now im lost again not knowing what to do or say and its 3 am and im writing about my life. I know you guys are missing huge parts to the story but hard to keep up when your life is in the gutters so i will give you guys a little recap of my fucked up 2016.
On june 7th 2015 i left my parents home i was 16 and on my own nothing but the clothes on my back because kyla ran away from foster care and i felt obligated to take care of her i promised i would and i tried my best she eventually got away to her mom and stayed hidden for a long time before the cops found them. After that i didnt really know what happened i continued my life going into a deeper spiral of drugs after a bad break up (we were living together and he would stop having his best friend over everyday his best friend being the man the raped me as a child). So after that i essentially winded up fucking over everyone i cared about because of the drugs i had turn into someone i was not and never wanted to be. Finally i found Courtney my old childhood friend i had always know her as my cousin even though we arent related at all. She gave me a home and plenty of weed and some bozze for on the weekends when i wanted to have fun. I went bacj to school full time got clean met Reznor and life got better from there me and my dad are finally good again. My step mom whoni love dearly asked if she could adopt me so she would be my legal mom even though she had already more than earned the tittle life was good. And now were back to were i started this chapter the return of the barbie bitch. So i really hope she listens to me this time and maybe i can actually have a girl friend in this town and not a bunch of drugged out whores. Take care of your self and love your body please dont make the mistakes i have and if you have or did i hope you learned your lesson and have grown as a person. For those of you who have never tried hard drugs, KEEP IT THAT WAY! It is NOT worth it not one second nothing makes you feel as good as smoking pot and all the other stuff has nasty side affects has anyone ever wanted to put a dog in the micro wave because it wont shut up just smoking pot nope but hard drugs yes it seems like a great idea so dont do it! Anywhore im ganna try and sleel now for my exam in a few hours peace, love, and goodnight.
