The Heart Stoppers

AS YOU WERE

"Sit," he barks at me from across his desk.

    "Whoa, who do you think you're squawking at, Jerry? Certainly not the marvelous agent who took out your number one threat," I raise my eyebrows at him.

    "I said sit," he lowers his voice.

    "Okay damn," I mumble as I slowly take my seat across from him, confused as to why he isn't proud of my accomplishment and left wondering where this anger sprouted from.

    There is a pause of silence while Buchanan paces back and forth behind his desk, "You didn't use the serum, Hayden." He stops his pacing and slams down in his chair so his fierce hazel eyes can meet mine.

    "Oh, is that what's got your thong in a twist? No, I didn't. I told you she just dropped dead. How was I supposed to combat that?" I look at him in confusion.

    He doesn't say anything, just continues to stare into my eyes. "I didn't even get to kill her," I admit with a sorrowful tone.

    "So you didn't feel nauseated just before she died? You didn't feel some overwhelmingly strong emotion before her body hit the floor? You didn't feel something bubbling up inside of you and then she just died? Because Hayden, we both know that's exactly what happened."

    His serious gaze on my shocked face is enough to make me stand in indignation. "What the fuck, Buchanan?"

    Because how did he know?

    He holds his hand up to stop me, and I sit back down. "You got this feeling... It always starts in my stomach. And it feels like I'm going to throw up. But you don't, and it just...happens."

    I furrow my eyebrows, completely dumbfounded. "Buchanan, how-"

    "You... You're--you're different, Hayden... Your grandfather dropped you off when you were twelve. Twelve. And it didn't take much explaining until I realized why. Because my parents treated me the same way. Except I was fifteen. They gave me some time to fully develop into the family disappointment..."

    "Jerry," I stop him. "I'm not following."

    He nods, eyes looking away from me. "You still are just 'blocking it out,' aren't you? Listen, when your grandfather came to see me twenty years ago, I already knew who he was. But I had no idea why Adamas Steele would be coming to see Rocky. I didn't know then, but that next year, the Chief of the AFO, my mentor would pass away. I'd be pulled out of Spade and be in charge of the entire organization. But Mr. Steele seemed to know: the meeting he had called for was only with Rocky and myself.

    "He told us about his youngest granddaughter. A wild redhead with a crazy imagination. And he mentioned that no power had produced from the girl, the only reminiscence of the heritage she had was this glare she had that made your heart literally convulse when you would upset her."

I furrow my eyebrows, understanding the story he was telling, but not remembering these details.

"He said removing the memory of that version of your world would be easy work for him... When he did finally admit that you had killed his wife, on accident of course, we both officially knew why he was here. He is a powerful man, powerful enough to make you forget almost everything from your past. Forget about your power, forget about your family's abilities, and reduce yourself."

"Jerry?"

"So he brought you here. He left you here without any recollection of how you came from magical descent, that you lived in the magical capital of Europe. And twenty years later, you still don't know that you are a sorcerer, well sorceress."

"Jerry, what the hell? Are you on drugs? What the fuck are you talking about?" I push my chair back, standing abruptly.

"No, Hayden, I'm not. Adamas Steele, the Leader of the Metal Elements at the Union of Sorcery is your grandfather. He dropped you off here because you were a conix. You remember what that is right?"

I did. Lily had spoken about them before. Her mother was one. A person born from magical lineage who has no powers. I had been one to believe magic was real. Lily was living proof. But me? Was all this actually true? Was it all real? I used to believe, and some days I couldn't find myself believing any of it. Now I don't ever know.

I look down in disbelief and sigh, "No, Jerry. I thought I knew what the fuck you were talking about, but I don't."

"You were born into a wealthy magical family, Hayden. Your mother, Carrie Steele, was the daughter of Adamas Steele, the man who has the entire magical community in the palm of his hand. And having a conix in his family was not an option... You, Hayden, were born without magic into your family. The only power you retained, the only sign that you are from this great line of sorcerer's is your power: heart stopping."

"I'm leaving. I'll come back when you're off your high," I say as I stand and make my way to the door.

"Hayden!" he yells. "Sit! Back! Down!"

I roll my eyes and shuffle back to the chair, deciding to hear his crazy story in full.

"I was a conix too. That's why I was sent here. I was too much of an embarrassment to my family just like you to yours. My parents did it to me, just as Rocky's had done to him. We were all disappointments and all thrown in this trash can we call the AFO.

"And now Zack. Our latest disgrace. Our fourth one. You've seen it lately; he's been experiencing his first goes with his sorcerer power. He's been getting really flustered, easily too, and sad, and angry, and horny, and just more emotional in general. I believe him to be a pathokinetic. Just not with the full range yet. But he wasn't dropped here on purpose."

I look down in my lap as I realize that Zack has been off the past few months. He usually got overly emotional when I was. Is what he's saying...?

"You were twelve. Your grandmother had gone off on you about Holly again. And then she started with that hateful names all about you. And you hated her in that moment, so much so, that you accidently stopped her heart. Remember, Hayden?" he tells the horrible story, finally placing the pieces in their place.

And suddenly it all flashes in front of me. Holly showing me her light, the light that comes from the palm of her hand and fingertips. In the night, she creates small, sparkling orbs in my room as nightlights. My mother sweeps the floor and stirs the stew on the stove and reads her favorite novel whilst sitting on the couch with none of the objects in her hand. I see baby Harry moving his toys all around his head while he giggles. Grandpa at his work, a giant building with a panel of judges.

I start to hyperventilate, my arms gripping the chair in disbelief, all the oxygen rushing out of my legs. "Jerry, I--I... Jerry, I remember. I remember it all."

He clears his throat. "Good. Now, as you were, Ms. Rain."