War Child--Rogue One

XXX

At breakfast the next day, I find Gaspard first, not bothering to look for Linami.  She'll find me anyway, but until then, I need time.

He looks up when I sit.  "Good morning."

"Good morning."

Breakfast is some sort of cooked bird eggs with fruit, a common morning meal here.   Eggs are cheap.  So is fruit.  Both help get us through the day.

"How did you sleep?"

I lift and drop one shoulder.  "Well enough.  How did you sleep?"

"I slept pretty well."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

We turn to our food and attend to that.  Someone sits next to me.

"Good morning, Cassian," she greets.

"Good morning."

I can tell she wants to ask about last night, but she turns to her own food instead.  One more person joins our table, sitting across from me.

He greets us as well.  It's Tinred.  Linami and Gaspard wish him a good morning.  I don't look up.  I don't want to.

"What's his problem?" Tinred asks, not discretely in the slightest.

Gaspard shoots him a glare.  Linami decides that she should tell him, "Perl was his father's name."

I look over at her, then stand swiftly and gather my things, prepared to walk away.

"Are you Cassian?" Tinred asks.

I pause, look back at him.  "How do you know my name?"  He is probably messing with me.  He probably found my name somewhere and connected it with me because of Gaspard and Linami.

"Your mother is Camellia Andor."

How does he know that?  I haven't told anybody here.  He'd have to have access to Imperial records to find that.

"Before I was transferred to communications, I was in charge of doctoring up injured or sick patients," he begins.

"She worked with you," I finish.

"No.  She was my patient."

"Oh."

I don't want to hear anymore.  But my feet won't move.  I can't make myself not listen.  I can only close my eyes, as if that's going to make me not hear what he's going to say next.

"She had something we couldn't understand.  A fever, but that was it.  They wouldn't give us access to anything better than an X-Ray, and nothing was showing up.  We thought maybe she had a tumor."

Sometime during Tinred's explanation, I drop my tray.  People are looking now, at the new kid who is making such a clatter in their mess hall.  I grab a towel and start to clean up.  Tinred kneels next to me to help.  I recoil.

"She talked about you.  Talked to me like I was your father, saying how much she missed me—your father, I mean—and to get out of there to take care of you."  He sits back on his heels and touches my shoulder.

I fall to my side to get away, not looking up at him.

He watches me take my towel back to the kitchen, then follows.  I walk a few steps ahead of him all of the way outside, where he catches up with me.  "Cassian!"

I turn to look at him.

"Look, I broke us all out of there so I could join the Rebellion and help you, like your mother asked," he says, his eyes begging me to listen.

"So what made my mother any different than everyone else you treated?  Just that you happen to share a name with the husband of a dying, delirious woman?" I snap.

He looks at me for a moment.  "You, know, you really do look like Camellia."

I don't know what to say.  I'm afraid that if I talk, I'll either cry or blow up and get thrown in the brig for a night.

He takes a step towards me, and I find my words.  "Can you let me just grieve a minute?  I saw my mother last the day I was caught, and I mourned her then.  I have to do that all again!  Just leave me alone!"

Tinred looks almost aghast.  "I was just trying to help—"

"Well it isn't!"  I push past him and rush down the halls.  I'm almost to my barrack when the tears come.  The door doesn't open fast enough for me, and I duck under.

Through a shield of tears, I seize the blanket and shove the blanket back in the cupboard.  Someone knocks on the door.  "Go away!"

The door opens, and I hide my face, but not before I see Linami enter.

"You can't sit in here all day," she says, sitting next to me.  The bunk sags.

"Yes, I can."

"Honestly, you can't.  You've got training.  And I was going to take you flying, in the simulator, of course."

"I don't want to."

She's silent for a moment.  "I can't even pretend to know what you're going through right now.  I'm sorry.  I—I watched both of my parents die, so there wasn't a surprise like this."

I rub my face slowly.  "I knew Father was dead, and I figured I would just never see Mother again, but I didn't expect someone to come and tell me that because he has the same name as my father, my mother who I've already grieved told him to find me."

We sit in silence for a while, then Linami checks her wristwatch.  "I have to go fly now.  I'll tell Ciara you may not be flying today.  I'm sure she'll understand."

"I'm sure she won't," I say under my breath, but she's already gone.