War Child--Rogue One

XLV

My comlink crackles.  I pull it out of my pocket and look at it.

"Captain Andor."  Its Mon Mothma.

I don't want to respond, but it's my duty.  I am a Rebel, after all.

"Here."

"Please report to the medbay immediately."

My stomach drops.  "Copy."

I walk to the medbay, but not so slow that if she dies I'll miss her.  On one hand, I don't want to see her.  On the other, I may never see her again.

She's hooked up to a whole array of silver machines when I walk in.

The meddroid reports, "She is currently in a stable coma."

"What does that mean?"

"She is stable. Her heart beat is regular and her breathing, while assisted by the machine, is as well. We have given her medicine to heal the internal bleeding."

I sit down next to her and push the hair back from her face. It's clean now. The blood that turned it red is gone, back to the dusty brown it was. Is.

She's still here with me.

I start to play with her hair, gently combing it with my fingers. I can't do much, since she is laying on most of it. But it comforts me. And if she wakes up, it will comfort her.

When she wakes up.

She's too young. Too strong.

Too loved.

The door slides open.  I don't turn.

"My absolute most sincere condolences," Mon Mothma says.

I grunt.

"Unfortunately, the mission compromised our position.  We'll be packing and leaving.  The medbay team will see to it that your wife is transferred safely, but you need to pack up the personal goods you have in your barracks."

I nod and brush my hand across Linami's forehead.  I don't look at Mon Mothma as I pass her.  It only takes a few hours to pack everything.  I'm loading it on the Corellian Ghost, intending to go back to Linami's side, when the loudspeakers crackle to life and order "All hands to the large briefing room."

I suppose they're talking about the move, and I almost don't go.

But I'm a Captain.  I have to go.

All the information regards the move.  Apparently, since the Ghost is the biggest ship in the fleet, I have to fly back and forth not once, and not even twice.  I have to fly to and from Yavin IV seven times.

It seems as though there are no other ships in our fleet, since everyone else flies only once.

In all of those seven times, not one will be carrying my wife.

I march out as soon as we are dismissed.  While the Rebels and equipment are loaded on, I just sit in the pilot's seat, one foot propped on the control panel, rolling my lip back and forth with my thumb and pointer subconsciously.  Rees sits next to me heavily.  "Hey."

I grunt in response.

He can't find anything to say, which is good, because I won't answer him anyway.

"Cassian," Red says, coming up behind us.

I turn around.  "Yeah?"

"We're ready to leave."

"Is the hatch closed?"

"Yes."

"Alright.  Buckle up."

I get clearance to take off and set a course for Yavin IV.  From there, the only rest I get for the whole day is while things are being loaded on it off.  I probably should help, but navigating asteroid belts is pretty taxing.

It's been a full Dantooine day before I land for the last time.  But, to my impeccable luck and joyous surprise, it's only noon!  Those of us who have day shifts are required to stay up until sundown to "better accommodate the time change."

I find myself wandering into a makeshift bar someone erected on the edge of the base.  I order a drink and slide a few credits over the counter.

Alone in the corner, the glass is emptied in minutes.  I call the Cathar working the bar over and order another.  With the disappearance of that drink, weight lifts off.

I'm not so deep in my despair that I drink myself to oblivion, so I drop a credit in my empty glass and leave the tent, only rocking a bit.  If I were to go and visit Linami now, in my current state, and were she to wake up, I would probably replace her in a medbay bed.  She hates alcohol and what it does to people.

But she's as responsive as a turnip now.

Oh, if only I would walk into my new barracks and find her unpacking our things, and she would smell the alcohol on my breath, and put some sense into me!  But the room is empty when I enter.

I unpack the necessities on my own, leaving the others for tomorrow, and drink a glass of water before I go to bed.

The drink has clouded my mind just enough to push most of the worries out, so I surprisingly sleep well.  Waking up is not so pleasant.