Life is tough

The Future

When I think about everything going on in my life, when usually leads to me overthinking I usually think of multiple things such as:
-Family
-Friends
-College
-Emotions
-What I actually have
-Future
-Girls.

As you can see this is a very long list with multiple possibilities to over think and situations to think of. They get linked from one section to another for example: future. Hopefully my future will have a wife in it, which obviously is a girl. That then gets me thinking of the girl I like. Girls who have liked me. All the girls I've spoke to. My ex's. Because of this my sleeping pattern is messed up. Usually I get to bed at 2am now. I get into bed at 10pm usually. So sitting there for roughly 4 hours thinking, thinking and even more thinking.

I have spoke about my friends, family, what I think I have, girls, emotions. One thing I haven't really spoke about at all is my future and why I over think it. My brother has gone to University and is currently doing well. He did well at GCSE, he did well at a levels. He has a girlfriends and a future set up. Me I have no girls, I feel like I'm a messed up, I getting worse at college. I'm just doing bad in life. How you meant to do well when your doing bad? Its like saying, well your good at football even though you've played in the bottom divisions in a Sunday league team your whole life. Your obviously not that good? So the chances of getting scouted yet alone making it as a professional are slim. Teachers say to me, " What do you want to do when your older?" My reply to that is that I honestly don't know. I don't have a clue. I want to do Physics at University but after that who knows, it properly doesn't help trying to plan the future but at the moment that is what I do with everything. Obviously I want a good enjoyable job which offers good money but a chance to see my family. 

I have always wondered that if nobody wants to date me know what chance do I have of getting married when I'm older? Slim chance I feel. I know it is a bit earlier to think of but as you have properly worked out from all this is that I am quiet an emotional guy. I see TV programs with a family and think I want that. I want a perfect wedding day with a beautiful women. I want 2 kids, one boy, one girl. So that me and my wife have personal experiences for both genders. I think all this and wonder if this will ever happen. Answer is I don't know. But I will still think about it.