Best Friends : It's Complicated

Chapter 17 - Real Reason

Josiah's POV:

I broke up with Chelsea. I had to. I couldn't do that I her. I couldn't be with her while I had feelings for Delilah that just wouldn't go away. That's why I went over to break it off.

"We need to talk," I said once I meet up with Chelsea at the local park.

"Okay, what's up?" she asked in a chirpy voice.

"Um well I ... you're great and you're a really great person and I know that any guy would want you but -"

"You're doing this now?" she asked as her smiley attitude was replaced with a sad expression.

"I'm really sorry but I just don't want to do this anymore."

She laughed humorlessly. "Yeah that's the reason."

"Look you have every right to be mad at me. I'm sorry I hurt you. I shouldn't have led you to believe that this was going anywhere after you broke up with me."

"Oh so it's my fault. Is that what you're saying?" a mix of anger and sadness was laced with her words.

"No I'm not saying that. I'm saying that after we broke up I realized that I didn't care about you as much as I believed," I said hoping that I was explaining myself correctly.

"Why don't you just tell me the real reason you're doing this?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean!" she said raising her voice.

"I honestly don't, Chelsea."

"It's because of that girl!"

"Delilah?"

How did she even know. It's not that I made it obvious or anything, at least I didn't think I did.

"Yeah her. I see the way you look at her. It's like nobody else is around and like the world revolves around her. Whenever she's near you never paid attention to me. She was your number one priority and that made me feel so .... worthless. You never looked at me like that," she said the last part in a whisper.

I felt horrible. I never knew how much I really showed what I felt. It was a subconscious reaction. I swear I didn't mean to make it that obvious.

"I .... I didn't .... how did ...." I couldn't get a complete sentence out and I was stuttering unsure of what I should say next.

"And the worst part is that she has a boyfriend so you have no chance with her yet you're still picking her over me."

For some reason her words sting. Hearing that I have no chance with Delilah hurts.

"I'm not picking anyone," I try to lie.

"You say that but I know it's not true! There's no way you would break up with me if it wasn't for somebody else!"

"That's not true I just don't feel the same anymore."

"Because of Delilah."

It was partially true but I didn't want to admit it.

"Look I don't want to argue with you. I don't want to end it like this."

"Oh, so how did you want to end it then? Please enlighten me!"

"Just not like this Chelsea! God not like this!"

She looked down to hide her face and I immediately felt bad for raising my voice at her. She rose her hand to wipe her face and I just wished there was an easier way to do this.

"I'm sorry okay. I just didn't want to be with you while I was feeling like this. When I knew that I didn't see you in the same way anymore. It wouldn't be fair to you."

"So what? This is better?" she said looking up at me blinking away tears.

I never should have gotten back with her. Delilah was right, again.

"I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you."

"What did you want then?"

"I was just confused and at the time I thought that being with you was the right thing to do."

"Well it obviously wasn't."

"I know that now," I sighed just wanting to turn back time and fix this, all of this.

"So that's it then?" she asked with a shaky voice.

"I'm sorry but it's better this way," I said reaching for her arm but she pulled away.

"I have to go," she said turning around with tears streaming down her face as she ran away.

I felt knots in my stomach after seeing her like that and knowing that I was the reason for it. I sighed. That was harder than I thought.

It was a mistake to get back together with Chelsea. I should never have done it. It was an idiot move but I wasn't thinking clearly. I wish I could go back and not do it. In fact I should have tried harder to be with Delilah. But no. I had to be stupid and just give up on her. And now she is with Logan. Chelsea is right I have no chance. But I don't care. I can't make my feelings go away. I thought that I'd forget about it by now with Chelsea but I still couldn't get over it, I couldn't get over her. It was unfair of me to have feelings for Delilah while I was with Chelsea and seeing as how I couldn't forget about Delilah I had to break up with Chelsea.

But now was the real hard part. Watching Delilah with someone else. Watching Logan make her smile and kiss her and hold her hand whenever he wants. I can't even begin to explain how jealous I am of him. I wish I was him. I wish I would've told Delilah how I really felt before it was too late. And it pains me to know that she isn't mine. That she prefers Logan over me. She likes him better. She doesn't see me the way she sees him.

I have to forget about that. All I need to focus on is being her friend. If that's what she wants from me then that's what I'll give to her. I'll be whatever she needs. If friends is all we'll be then I'm just going to have to live with that.