I Can't Make You Love Me

Chapter VII - 1st Degree

"What the effin Hell are you two doing?!"

Me, screaming those words at the top of my lungs. Mukha namang nagulat sila sa presensiya ko and they let each other go. I looked at them with watery eyes. But I won't cry in front of them. No. Friggin. Way. 

"Babe, It's not what you think." 

Him, he was about to hold my arm pero nagpumiglas ako. I looked at him with disgust written all over my face. I smirked. 

"Oh! Yan ka nanaman sa 'it's not what you think' mo eh! Shizz! Gasgas na yang linya mo sakin! How many times have I believed that line? And sht! Reality just hit me that I was believing an asshole like you for the effin nth time!"

Me, I was so frustrated that I punched the wall nearby. Halata namang nagulat sila sa ginawa ko. He was just staring at me helplessly, while she was crying her face out. Matanggal sana yang mukha mo, my inner bitch shouted.

This is too much! So, is this the reason why he has been acting so weird? The reason why he has cut the lines? How could he? 

Naramdaman ko ang dugo sa kamay ko. AH! Gusto kong ipahid to sa mga mukha nila! As I glanced at them once more, I saw guilt within their eyes. That's right. Makonsensya kayo. 

Silence rained over us. It was about a minute until I decided to speak up. 

"Kelan pa?" I said coldly. 

"B-Best. A-alam kong m-mali. B-but please. Makinig k-ka m-muna."

She was about to hug me pero tinulak ko siya. Napaupo naman siya sa sahig. Ugh! I hate this scene! I just stared at her. "Alam mo naman palang mali, ginawa mo pa." Damn you. 

"Inuulit ko. Kelan pa?" I was looking directly to his eyes. 

He sighed before answering the question. "I-I don't know. Babe. Please. Listen to me first. I thought you needed some time on your own. You kno- " that's where I cut him of. 

"Wow! As in wow! I needed some time on my own? I didn't ask for that! I never did!" I was letting out all my exasperation. 

He scoffed "Caths! Stop it! Okay?! I had enough! Stop putting all the blame on me! Masisisi mo ba ko? Mas lalaki ka pa sakin kung makaasta, you're too clingy, masyado kang OA. Kaya nga nakipag cool off ako sayo, diba? I need space." 

I glared at him. If only looks could kill. I'd be delighted to stare at him till eternity. "Aww. Why baby Eros? Has Catherine already stepped on your huge ego?" I laughed with sarcasm. "So coming from your dirty mouth, Ikaw ang may kailangan ng space. Hindi ako." I paused. "Oh yeah. Cool off right? I didn't know that it has a new definition, like 'saglit lang. Lalandi muna ako' and such. I'm sorry I was not informed." 

"Stop this Catherine. Just go home." 

"Stop? Oh! So you want me to stop?! Dammit. Sino bang nagsimula? Ako ba?" I challengely said to him. 

"Caths."

"Don't you dare call my magnificent name through that mouth. It makes me feel filthy." Sabi ko sabay pagpag ng kamay, balikat at ng damit ko. 

She was shaking, "I am so sorry." And then she was crying again. 

"Please. Don't say those words! Sa tingin niyo mapapatawad ko kayo? F! I-I trusted you both! But what? Eto ang makukuha ko!" Then I looked at him. "You know I was busy because I also have other responsibilities right? I thought naiintindihan mo ko? I was not only doing that fo myself, but para sayo din to." Umiwas na lang siya ng tingin at hindi nakasagot.  

"And you bitch! I never thought na may tinatago ka rin palang landi sa pagkatao mo. I trusted you. And I thought you hated each other so much that's why never sumagi sa isip ko ang mga to. Anong tingin niyo sakin? Walang alam? Maraming nagsasabi sakin na you were doing shitty things behind my back. But I never listened. I shut all my senses because I both BELIEVED in you. Then this?! Sasabihin mo na 'It's not what you think'? So ano pala to? She trip in a rock and accidentally crushed her lips to yours?! The Hell with you both! It's obvious that you were kissing! Damn! How can I be so naive?!" 

They were still silent while I said all my rants. 

"You know that I can bleed you both to death right?" I said like i was stating a-matter-of-fact. 

"Kung gusto niyo pang mabuhay ng matagal. Huwag na huwag na kayong lalapit sakin. Don't ever talk to me. And you" I looked at him. "Were through. And you." And I looked at her "Congrats Bitch. Looks like you won. And for the both of you. Please Go Kill Yourselves!"

I stompped my way out of the roof top and when I was about to open the door.

 "Hey Scumbag!" At napatingin naman siya sakin. "Did you ever loved me?" I know this sounds desperate, but what the hell!

 I gripped my shoulder bag, trying my hardest not to pull out my gun. 

He looked directly into my eyes and said those words that crushed my world. "No. I'm sorry."

And that moment, I just want to shot him in the head.

---

(Music starts here.)

You've read the books, 

You've watched the shows, 

What's the best way no one knows, yeah, 

I did everything to forget what happened. And I am slowly coping up to my current situation. I did my favorite hobby, reading. I watched different movies. But yeah. I still don't know how to save myself from hurting. 

Meditate, get hypnotized.

Anything to take from your mind.

But it won't go

I tried distracting myself, trying new things. But still. It hurts. 

You're doing all these things out of desperation,

I always look at him from a far. Wishing that It was all just a dream. 

You hit the drink, you take a toke.

Watch the past go up in smoke.

Yeah. And sometimes, I drink out of depression. I watch all our memories as it fades. 

Fake a smile, yeah, lie and say that, 

I'm better now than ever, and your life's okay

Well it's not. No

Yeah. Smiling while breaking inside. Lying like it's the only choice I got. 

But it's not. 

You're doing all these things out of desperation. 

---

I was about to go to the library to get new books, but hell! super tamad ng katawan ko. Ang bigat bigat pa ng feeling. Then I saw Ice cream. Haay. I missed those times when he used to cheer me up by bribing ice cream. Hayy. Can anything get even worse? 

First, you think the worst is a broken heart

I stopped walking, then run as fast as I can. I want to forget.