Kuzey Güney - North & South

Swimming in sorrows

I stare at the ground in silence as my Dad says, "The police are here"

"Dad I swear I didn't see him. I swear" sobs Güney

My mother tries to console him while my dad stares out the window. "You ruined my son!" She tells me "You ruined him!" She repeats, "his life is over. We are all ruined...the exam is tomorrow. What's going to happen now? He'll never be able to go to college! Everything is ruined"

She takes a deep breath as the police start knocking on the door again.
Güney starts to panic as my dad calmly asks him to get up. As he slowly makes his way to open the door, my mother gets up and points to me saying, "This is your fault. If you hadn't disobeyed your father and stayed home, none of this would've happened...You ruined your brother's life. You ruined all my hopes."

She's right. It wasn't his fault. And I don't ever want to live with this weight on my back that my brother went to jail because of me. I know I'm not capable of much but he is. Now I've realized that you don't tell people you're not okay, because it's hard watching them not know what to do. But then you end up comforting them, even though the one who needed comforting was you.

"Oh dear God, what are we going to do now?" she says looking up, crying.

As Guney gets up, she stops him as says, "Deny it. tell them it wasn't you! please!"

She tries to bring me down once again by saying, "Do you see what you've done?"

I look up at her and decide once and for all to leave this God damn place.

I head straight downstairs, look the policeman in the eyes and tell him I did it.

"I hit that man and I'm turning myself in" I inform them. The police orders the other men to handcuff me and take me to jail. Half the town is aware of what has happened by now and they all stand around the police cars in shock. My dad angrily says, "What are you all staring at? Get out of here! Go home!"

"Kuzey!" yells out Ali as he and Cemre make their way to the front of my house along with the others. Cemre's mom warns her not to come close as Ali tries to stop the police from taking me away.

"Brother!" he says to me one last time before I get into the vehicle. Cemre also stares at me as I get in a asks Guney what happened. Guney, along with the others is silently taking in what is going on.

My mother tells everyone that it was me who got into the accident, due to driving while drunk, to prevent Guney from getting in trouble.

The next day

I wake up in a temporary cell. A guard brings me a suit that's been delivered from back home.

"Wear it" he says roughly. "You have to get ready for the hearing today"

I go into the dirty washroom and change, my eyes puffed up and face red. I somehow manage to find peace in this hopeless place. looking at myself in the mirror, thinking there could be nothing more worse than what has happened so far.

As the guard cuffs me up again and opens the cell gate, one of the guards grabs my right arm, one my left, and some others walk behind me. As soon as I get into the hearing room, I am faced with a wailing woman saying, "You killer! you killed him! my innocent son!"
My whole world stops right there as she continues to call me a killer. It was her son? I killed him?
Of course. We didn't even bother looking at his face that night. We were too busy trying to save ourselves, we didn't even realize how much damage was really done.

The guard drags me to the hearing room as the people around the mother try to pull her back.
As I enter, I see my mother with her face still red from crying. Güney takes a glance at me but looks down immediately as he feels ashamed. My father also has his head down out of humiliation for being the father of a man who killed an innocent boy out of recklessness.

As the judge proceeds, I can feel my whole body trembling as my lawyer nods at the judge, giving me a short glance every now and then. All I can say is "I'm sorry" under my breath.
Tears continue to roll down my face and my eyes, head and soul can't bear the pain no more.