Kuzey Güney - North & South

The worst part

Sitting in the bar, lost in my thoughts, I hear glasses clanking, people chatting.

I keep thinking, what have I done? how will I ever face my dad again? how will I see Guney and Cemre together?

Ali, my best friend, gives me a concerned look. He waits for me to be ready to talk. We've been sitting here silently for what a while now. I grab the half empty glass of Raki (an alcoholic drink made up of grape and aniseed mixed with water.)

"Slow down dude, what are you doing?" Ali says annoyed at this point. I try to forget what happened on this God-forsaken day by drinking every drink placed in front of me.

"Don't mess with me." I tell Ali, as I start to feel heavier.

Ali then leans in and quietly says, "what's wrong brother? did something happen?"  His question leaves me smiling out of pain. I can't help but laugh at my situation. When my whole world has been fallen apart. "Nothing's wrong" I say, pouring myself another drink. "Do I need a reason?" I sigh. "I just wanted to drink, so I'm drinking." my body still hurts from all the slapping and throwing around. "Okay, but you should drink responsibly" says Ali

"Are you okay?" He asks again. I decide to nod my head and look at the ground.

We click our glasses together once more and continue drinking. Ali then suggests we leave the bar and go somewhere and I tell him he can leave if he wants. "Just go." I repeat, he realizes how hurt I am and attempts to get me out of my chair. "come on" Ali says. My anger sprouts back up again and I tell him to drop it. "either stay or go" I warn Ali. He looks at me and then looks up behind me.

"Your brother is here" he tilts his head in Güney's direction, diverting my attention.  I don't even want to see his face.

Guney grabs a chair next to me and begins, "What have you done? you punched Dad, you animal!"

"What?" Ali looks at his and then back at me. Shocked.

Guney continues, "Are you out of your mind? how could you hit him?" His anger rising, "I'm talking to you!" I then tell him to shut up. "He slapped mom right in front of me." I grab my drink again and explain, "I told him so many times not to hit her."

"I'm outta here" says Ali "You'll take care of him, awon't you?" Guney nods and Ali leaves.

Güney thinks for a while and changes his seat to sit across from me. "Why are you behaving like this?" He says gently "why are you acting like a loose canon? Why are you so out of control?"
I think back for a second second. Why? Why am I acting like this? Is it really that hard to figure out? Looking into Guney's eyes, all I can think of is : Guney and Cemre hopelessly in love.
"Say something!" He insists.
The flashbacks from this morning pierce my heart over and over. All I see is Guney's mouth moving.
"...I'm tired of cleaning out your messes" he continues. "I have an exam tomorrow, but you made me chase you around all day!" oh so now I see what this is about. He isn't really worried if I'm okay, but worried about his bloody exam once again. I don't need his sympathy or whatever this is. I lean back in my chair to get the money out of my jean pocket. He must be thinking "where did he get all this money from?" He stares at it as I place it on the table.
"It's on you...give your blessings" I smirk, as he gives me his death stare. "Did you steal money from my drawer?" He tightens jaw and follows back behind me as I make my way to the door, my head spinning.
Getting the van's keys out of my pocket, I feel a hand grip my arm and pull me back. "Kuzey!" He turns me around to face me and says, "you're sick, you need treatment" why can't he just leave me alone for once?
"Leave me alone" I say directly to his face and turn back around to get in the car.
"What are you doing? Gimme the keys" he calls back again, trying to yank the keys off my hands. "Guney..." I warn him
"Give me the keys...get in the passenger seat" he's pulled them out successfully now. I let it go since I don't wanna get in trouble again.
I manage to get in the seat as he starts the ignition.
I stare out the window, my cheek on the door as he drives away. Looking outside is making me more sick. Why is he driving so fast?
I roll down the window to get some fresh air as he pulls into the freeway. Slamming the accelerator, he says,"Dear God! I'm about to lose it!" Great. Now I have to get ready to listen to my brother's whining too.
"You had to make a scene tonight? Out of all days? My freaking exam is tomorrow! I've been studying for it for years!" He looks at me and back at the road. I feel sick to my stomach. I feel throwing up any minute.
"My whole life depends on that 3-hour exam!" He continues. "What gives you the right to make me look around for you in the middle of the night? Huh?" I ignore him and focus on the road. "Are you listening? I'm talking to you!" His eyes at me and not on the road once again.
My head is pounding by all this I tell him to shut up but he doesn't. Holding down my temples and closing my eyes for a second, I try to make the pain go away, but Guney's yelling makes it worse. "You're such an animal, how could you punch dad?" He looks back at me. "He slapped mom" I explain.
"Was it the first time?!" He screams.
I glare up and him and warn him, "I wanted it to be the last." "Oh my God! So now what? How will you look at his face?" "I don't want to" I interrupt. "You idiot! How will you ever make peace?" He taking out all his anger out on me again. Looking at the door and back at me after every 2-3 seconds.
"I don't want to make peace! Shut up already!" I scream into his face. Why can't he just mind his own business?
"Do you have to be such a pain in the ass?" He looks at me furiously and then back at the road.
"I'm sick and tired of cleaning up your messes!" He lets out his frustration, looking at me furiously. As I raise up my arm to hit him, he forgets he's on the road and yells out "Oh so now you're going to hit me too?" He grabs my arm with on hand, holding the steering wheel with the other, "Hit me! Go ahead! Hit me!" He pulls my arm as I try to pull it back.
"Do it!" He repeats, forgetting he's on the road.
As we both forget about the road and continue arguing, he loses his grip on wheel and looks back at the road, finding someone crossing without signal. We both fall silent as we take in what's about to happen.
Guney tries to turn around as I cover my face with my arm hoping it would protect me somehow. In an instant, the guy on the road hits the front glass of the car, breaking the glass, rolling out to the right and falling back down hard on the road as Güney attempts to hit the breaks hard. The tiny glass pierces through my left elbow and parts of my body and I feel the pain worsen. Güney's abrupt stop causes us both to be pulled forward and then back in our seats.
This is it. My worst nightmare. I blink repeatedly hoping this isn't real but am faced with the broken glass smeared with blood in front of me. My whole body shakes and I can barely breathe. "Is he dead?" I think to myself.

In a panic, Güney gets out of the car as I follow up behind him, my head dizzy and my legs shaky.
Güney paces up to the body and says "h-hey!" To check if he's alive. We takes a few more steps forward, taking in what has happened.
The poor guy is on the ground with his front facing the ground, a few meters away from the van. I take a step back, my breathe quivering.
Güney leans over to try to check his pulse with his index finger shaking. After a few seconds, he backs up, frightened until he lands on the ground. "God damn it!" He whispers. "He's dead. He's dead!" He crawls back and faces me "it's your fault. It's your fault!" He wails as he starts sobbing. "Damn it! It's your fault! He's dead!" He repeats as I stare at him and back at the body blankly. As he gets back up wailing, he pushes me hard to the ground. Repeating "God damn it! God damn it!"
I don't take my eyes off the dead body and try to process what has just happened.
"He's dead!" He weeps.
I try to calm him down, never taking my eyes off the body. Güney is broken. I have to do something. This is all my fault. I keep thinking. Our lives are ruined. I have to do something.

As I hear another car approaching from the front, I try to get Güney back into his senses. "Güney,"
He's still sobbing on the ground. I grab him from behind his shirt and pull him up "get up get in the car" I hasten as I try to pull him back into the car.
I manage to get him into the passenger seat, shaking, I rush back into the driver's seat, hoping to not get caught.
I call the emergency right away to prevent further damage to the guy laying on the road. Quickly dialing, I speak into the phone, "Hello? Is this the emergency room?" Sniffing.
I steer away the vehicle as fast as I can as I get in contact with the emergency number. Güney is in shock. He doesn't speak a word as I drive back home. The car must've witnessed the dead guy at this point and called the police.
Heading home, I am faced with an increasing anxiety with thousands of negative emotions.