Solo Mix Tape

The Last

The next morning was hard for the both of us. Jimin helped me with the rest of my packing and soon enough, it was time for me to go. As I stood at the front door facing the youngster, I gripped the handle of my suitcase tightly. It seemed as if Jimin could read my mind when he flashed a refreshing smile and gave me a tight hug. I knew inside that he was resisting the urge to not break down in front of me; and so, I hugged him back with one hand and whispered "We'll meet again. Surely." 

Knowingly, Jimin pulled away and firmly nodded, still wearing a smile on his face. After reassurance, I heaved my suitcase carrying all my things down the steps of the dorm. The car door was open, awaiting my arrival. But before I took my first step inside the car, I looked back to the dorm. The place where both happy and sad memories took place, the place I was now leaving behind. As I looked to the upstairs window, I could see the faces of the other members peeking out. They wore emotionless cloaks; neither happy nor sad at my departure. I knew that they were waiting for me to turn back and say that I wasn't leaving. And even I had a slight moment of hesitation. But ultimately, I turned my back to them and got in the car. As the car door closed, I could see young Jimin fighting his tears as the cold wind froze his tears. But I could do nothing but strap in my seatbelt and wait for this ordeal to all be over. 

As the car started, I could no longer see the other members from the window. They had all left, maybe to console themselves, or to celebrate my leaving. I heaved out a sigh, pulling out my phone to look at the time. 9:32 AM. A time I would remember forever. I shut off my phone with a click as the car began to drive away from that memorable place. But as I rolled up my open window, I could hear the shouts of the other members. They had come outside, but a moment too late. Desperately, I stuck my head out the window, looking back at the members. But as the car sped up, the last words I heard from the direction of the dorm were: "Be happy!" 

Hearing those words of consolation, I clutched my phone tightly in my hand as tears fell down my face. I lowered my head, screams tugging at the back of my throat. How badly I had regretted leaving them behind, how badly I wanted to stop the car and run back to them, to give them a hug. But I had made my decision and I accepted it with remorse clouding my thoughts. 

The manager who sat in driver's seat looked into the review mirror, asking the dubious question, "Yoongi-ah, are you alright?" 

I quickly nodded and wiped my tears with the back of my sleeve, muttering a quiet "Yeah." The manager looked worryingly at me but said nothing otherwise. I rummaged through my things to find my earbuds, putting them in to block out otherworldly sounds that seemed to echo through my head. Leaning back in my seat, I closed my eyes, embracing the empty hole that now occupied my heart. 

In this state, I remained until I arrived at my new home. A small apartment that seemed to emanate desolation and grief. Getting my suitcase from the back seat, I dismissed the manager's offer to help and walked myself up to my apartment. Number 932. How ironic that this number continued appearing in my life even though I had wanted to leave it behind. Taking it all in, I unlocked the door to the apartment. Although it was bright and full of color, it seemed to dim as I walked in. Sighing, I set my stuff down, curling up on the couch and taking in the scent of the empty place. Just like that, I fell asleep with life's worries piling on top of me.