Solo Mix Tape

140503 At Dawn

My decision plagued me for nights, I had not told any of the members yet. I asked desperately for PD to keep it a secret and let me stay with them until the time came to say goodbye. Wasn't it ironic? I was running away from them just like the events that played out in our song. I wanted to stay with them but at the same time, I didn't. I was unhappy in success. But what excuse could I make? 

I pondered about my decision to leave BTS for many days. But then it finally came the day when I was ready to break it to them. I sat Jungkook, Heoseok, Seokjin, Namjoon and Taehyung in the living room of our dorm. Jimin was out doing individual activities, he would have to hear about it later. I sighed, sitting down on the couch across from them.

"Well, what did you want to tell us?" asked Namjoon in a concerned tone. He had no idea what this was all about, but he did know that his Hyung seemed unhappy lately.  The other members careened themselves forward toward me, ready to hear whatever I had to say.

"I. I-." My words were caught in the back of my throat. It was hard enough for me to make the decision to talk to them. But now that we were actually doing so, my words would refuse to come out. 

"It's okay Yoongi, take your time," said Jin. He had patience and effortlessly cared for the members. The others waited as well in the dead silence of the room. Time seemed to stop and what was only a couple of seconds felt like an eternity. I took a deep breath and even then, I could only struggle to breathe out the words.

"I'm going solo."

The seconds after that line seemed to drag on. No one said anything but one could tell they were shellshocked. We sat there for a couple more minutes. Anger, sadness, and worry played across the members' faces. They had no idea what to think or what to feel. The silence was deafening until Jungkook decided to speak up.

"Hyung, if you're gone, then what about Bangtan? What about A.R.M.Y?" 

"I don't know," were the only words I could muster out. 

The smile that once adorned his face was now gone, all that was left was the new scar in his heart. He was young, he didn't know much about members leaving groups. Hell, he never would have thought that one of the members would want to leave Bangtan. He looked as if he were about to cry. Taehyung rested a hand on his shoulder in reassurance but anger adorned his face.

"Did you talk to PD about this?" asked Heoseok. He displayed no emotion in his face. I nodded, lowering my head. After that was just an era of silence. No one wanted to say anything additional to me and eventually, we all went on with our day. We didn't speak. But as nightfall came and I prepared to sleep, I could hear the sobs of Jungkook from the next room. 

My face crippled in agony, in regret. But how could I give my all when I continued to stay unhappy? I looked towards the ceiling light and shut my eyes, the world that I knew enveloped in black as I listened to the faint sound of young Jungkook's cries.