Letters to Rose - |d.s|

25/03/16

25 March 2016

Dear Rose,

It's been a whole week since I've written to you. Please do forgive me. I'm trying to make myself disappear. Can you tell me what been happening in your after life?

I'm starting to believe I'm useless. I have nothing positive left in my life. Whenever I used to feel like shit, you were always there to comfort me. Now that your gone, who's going to kiss me and tell me everything's going to be ok?

Mum wants me to change my room around. She said I should buy new furniture as well as a new bed. She even suggested changing the wall colour. I really like it though, the black colour keeps me hidden. Maybe I should really change it. Should I paint it dark blue? That's your favourite colour right?

I forgot to tell you but, I see this man follow me everywhere. Please don't think I'm crazy, but he wears this mask that covers his entire face apart from his eyes and mouth. Their a piercing red colour. He wears this big black cloak.He honestly terrifies me. Whenever we make eye contact, he smirks showing his yellow teeth.

Am I going insane?

On the 20th of March, Dad came and saw me. He tried to cheer me up, telling his bad dad jokes. I tried to laugh along. I saw him giving glances to mum. I know he's worried about me. I think everyone is.

Do you remember, when I used to steal all of your carrots when we were younger? I remember sitting around the dinner table; you, me, mum, your mum and your dad. Whenever they weren't looking at us, I quickly used to grab them. You hated carrots.

I still wear the bracelets you gave me. Do you remember how happy I was? You said it took you ages to find it as you wanted the gift to be perfect. Everything you did was perfect. I was madly in love with you and then you went.

I can feel my brain slowly shutting down. I'm beginning to forget a lot of things. I feel like I'm standing in the middle of the road. Alone, isolated, lost.I feel guilty. I can't remember how you died. My memories fading and it's honestly shit. I try to remember but, I end up getting a headache.

I think my mum invited Kyle and his family over tomorrow. I really don't want to see him. Should I fake being ill?

Every days getting harder and harder without you Rose. Can you hold me in this wild world?

Love Dan x

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I'm sorry this is so depressing