Again, it happened again that night. When Harry's eyelids closed, he saw his godfather dying, heard him screaming, saw him going through the veil and glancing one last time at him.
It was you fault !!
It was your fault !!
Suddenly the dream changed, and he was now standing in front of Remus Lupin.They just stared at each other, but when Harry wanted to say something, he felt hands close around his neck.He felt air being pressed out of his body. Remus was choking him.
Harry tried to say something but his "I'm sorry" was barely noticeable. Remus shouted at him
Why did you kill him?
Why didn't you learn closing your mind ?
How stupid does one have to be to be tricked by Kreacher?
You should've died instead of him !
Why did you do this to me ?
I hate you !
Go to hell !
Even though Harry was dying, he still could hear everything loud and clearly, could feel the grip around his neck tightening and his wish of just dying rising. That's all he wanted. To die.
The dream changed again. Now he wasn't being choked, but was standing in front of his parents. They both looked at him, his mother crying, and his father trying to comfort her. They both talked to Harry, and even though they were not screaming at him like Remus, it hurt so much more.
Why Harry ?
He was our dearest friend
You are a monster
You are a murder
Your disgusting
Then, they said what hurt him the most, what made him start crying too, and begging for them to forgive him
You are no longer our son. You are a disgrace to this family. Leave and never come back !
"No !", Harry screamed, "No ! Please, don't leave me ! I didn't mean to do it ! Please, how can I make it up to you ? I'd do anything!"
But his parents started leaving him, and even though he tried to run after them, his legs wouldn't move.
"No !", he shouted, "don't go !"
His mother turned around, slowly, she was already far away, and said
"I wish I hadn't born you"
Then she vanished, together with his father, leaving Harry alone, unable to move.
That's when he woke up, and realized, that he just had another dream. His eyes were wet and he was drenched in sweat. He ran his hands through his hair and threw the covers off him. Then, silently so he wouldn't wake anybody, he proceeded to go to the bathroom. Right now he just wanted to be alone and cry, forget and be alone. In the bathroom, he locked the door and sat on the floor. He then started crying, silently, so nobody would hear. Why didn't he die instead of Sirius ? Then he wouldn't have to live this nightmare called "life" anymore. Right now he just wanted to die and stop breathing. He wanted to never wake up again and stop feeling. But it seems fate didn't want him to, it wanted him to suffer a little bit more until he could finally take his final breath.
Well then, let's suffer
He slipped his hand under the bathroom cabinet. It was the only place, that nobody except him could reach, because his hands were so small. He searched a bit until he found the small blade. He looked at it, at the reflection of himself, crying with swollen eyes and a red face. He was disgusted with his image, himself, and so he let the blade slit through his arm, that was already covered with little thin scars.
I hate you
He thought to himself
YOU ARE READING
Enlightenment in my Darkness ~ snarry
Romance"Hold me, save me, don't leave me !" It's his sixth year in Hogwarts, and Harry is struggling with the loss of his godfather Sirius. He doesn't know how to handle the pain, and feels guilty. He doesn't know who to talk to, as it seems, that nobody q...
