Enlightenment in my Darkness ~ snarry

Potions

Hey 🥸
So this is awkward. But I kinda wanted to still post this. Truth to be told, I am not really a Snarry fan anymore- especially in the school setting. I do like the idea of them as a couple, just not that much when they're in a teacher-student relationship.
But I've already written this chapter so 🤪
Also in my version Snape teaches potions in year 6 because I like the idea that Harry improves in potions with Snape's help (half blood prince) without knowing.
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Sleep came to Harry very late that night, and only in the early morning hours was he able to drift off. The events of yesterday had kept him up late thinking, and when sleep came, he dreamt about kissing Severus Snape of all people. Yet despite having only slept a few hours, he was again awake before his suitemates. "Old habits die hard", he thought to himself and headed to the showers. Undressing there, a surge of disgust hit him as he caught himself in the mirror. His scarred skinny body, the dark rings around his eyes- it all made him look like a dying person. Which he found somewhat ironic- considering that he had been trying rather hard to become one. Sighing, he turned on the water and washed his face, then took a shower. Yet, even after washing himself properly, he still felt dirty and atrocious. He hated himself, his body, his character- everything, it made him feel sick to his stomach. He could not really blame girls for not being interested in him, and for the press to judge him- had he seen himself as an outsider, he would believe him to be a nut-case as well. "Those papers can't be blamed for labeling me as a traumatized psycho- I reckon I resemble those people quite well".

Yet, in his self-loathing, Harry felt a new emotion in himself. Looking at his hands, he could see Severus holding them. Drying his back with a towel, he could feel Severus's arms holding onto him. Buttoning up his pants ad tightening his belt, he could feel Severus's body against his own when he carried him. Remembering those instances, a faint blush appeared on his cheeks and neck. It had been a long time since Harry had actually felt somebody else touch him- not counting all the "I'm so sorry Harry"-hugs he received after Sirius's death, those felt like forced interactions and empty words spoken socially to be polite. Those hugs just made him feel numb, like the clutch of Remus constraining him when he wanted to go after Bellatrix, they were suffocating. No, Severus's touches made him feel warm, being embraced by him gave him a feeling of being saved, being recognized as weak in a manner he did not feel pitied by. Compared to other people touching him, with Severus, it didn't feel forced. He didn't touch Harry because he had to, but because he had chosen to do so. Trying to phrase the difference was complicated to Harry, as he didn't feel he could yet realise what these interactions between them had meant. Servus had carried him out of necessity, caught him when he had fallen to avoid an accident. But he had embraced him out of his free will- there was no need to do so. He could have just pulled his arm and let him down slowly. But Severus had chosen to expose their bodies to each other, closen the distance, and press into him.
Touching his cheek, Harry recalled the dream he had. Severus was about to kiss him. Why would he dream of Severus Snape kissing him- and why was he not more alarmed by this? Why did he, to some degree he had to admit to himself, enjoy dreaming about a kiss of his potion's professor? It was all very confusing to him.

However, Harry did not have time to indulge in his thoughts any longer, as he could hear his roommates waking up, and had to leave the bathing room. Ron met him on his way out.
"Bloody hell- why are you always awake and showered already when I first get up? What ARE you doing that you need to hide from us? Do you have wank every morning? Is that it?", Ron asked.
"For fucks sake Ron. Have you ever heard of early birds? I just prefer showering in solitude, I always did at the Dursley's. And no- I'm not having a wank every morning in the shower, but if you'd like my schedule I'll pass it on to you", Harry replied sarcastically. It was true he did enjoy Ron's company, but Ron was so blatantly direct sometimes, that he wondered how he was able to charm the rather sensitive and well-mannered Hermione.
"Very funny. See you at breakfast, I assume? Save some sausages for me haha", Ron replied in a similarly sarcastic manner, as he left for the showers.
"Of course. Although I reckon the elves are used to your massive consumption of pig meat by now", Harry said, leaving the sleeping chambers.