As the train ride progressed, a boy suddenly appeared in their compartment, looking at Harry he said :"Mr. Slughorn asked me to invite you and Mr. Longbottom to come into his compartment"
Confused, Harry got up, looking back at Luna, opening his mouth to say something, but Luna held up her hand
"It's fine Harry. People usually are intimated by me and don't like talking to me so it's fine".
"Let's go Harry" Neville said "You wouldn't wanna waste an opinion like this".
Looking at Neville and Luna, he wasn't sure wether to go or not. He knew Dumbledore wanted him to get along with Slughorn, but he really didn't want to go there and be stared at people. He sighed. "Yeah let's go... are you sure your fine Luna ?", he asked
"Of course I am Harry", she said dreamily,"Until later then".
"Bye Luna", Neville said, already leaving the compartment. Luna smiled slightly at them, before she started reading the quibbler again.
They followed the boy that had invited them, until they arrived at Mr.Slughorns compartment. They hadn't even set one step inside and Mr. Slughorn was already coming towards them. "Ah Mr. Potter we we're already waiting for you. Let me introduce to the others !" Slughorn said, as he started to introduce them to the others. 15 minutes later and Slughorn had introduced them to at least 10 people.
"Well I'll be off then, there are still some people I haven't introduced myself to. Why don't you grab a glass of beer and get yourself some pastries ? There aren't many left so you better Hurry" he laughed and moved back into the crowd. Following Mr. Slughorns advice, Neville headed towards the flying tablets grabbing some pastries and chocolates.
Seeing Neville vanishing with the other people, he decided to also blend in with the crowd. This was his chance to finally have some time alone. As he saw Neville coming back he hurried into the crowd, and when he was sure, that he wouldn't see him anymore, he left the compartment. Searching again for an empty compartment, he didn't realize, that he was just walking towards Severus Snape, just least favorite teacher.
"What are you doing here Potter? Sneaking around again I see" Snape said coldly
Surprised by this, Harry twitched and stood still hastily answering "I um was just looking for an empty compartment professor".
"Is that so ?" Snape questioned suspiciously.
Looking Harry straight into the eyes, he waited a moment, then he left. Looking back at Snape, Harry moved on, arriving at his previous compartment, which was now empty. Harry smiled. He took out his invisibility cloak, threw it over himself, and for the first time on this ride, he was relaxed. He was just about to get comfortable, when he heard someone opening the door. It wad Malfoy
"You're so right Blaise, Potter really is so stupid. Feeling all cool protecting his friends but letting his family die. Not that I care haha. Man if it'd be me, the murderer would be already dead. Guess he ist just a whimp" Malfoy laughed, looking inside the compartment. "Ah man someone's already in here I guess" he said looking at the bags and quibbler. He picked up the quibbler, "ew it's that weird girl, Luna whatever. Let's get out of here I don't want to infect myself with her weirdness" he mentioned disgusted. Hearing this, anger started bubbling inside him, right now, he wished he could just punch Malfoy in the face, hard enough to break his nose. But with Snape being nearby, he'd rather not. He clenched his fists, watching Malfoy leaving his compartment.
But Malfoy is right thought. It is your fault.
"No, no, no !" he thought
"No, not right now !"
You don't deserve better. YOU KILLED SIRIUS ! IT WAS YOUR FAULT ! - the voice screamed
Harry tried to cover his ears, he smashed his hands onto them, hoping the voice would shut up.
IF YOU HADN'T BEEN SO DUMB, HE WOULD STILL BE ALIVE
"No, no, no" Harry whimpered, his eyes filling with tears and his head being filled again with images of Sirius
"I didn't mean to... I didn't..." he sobbed quietly.
YOU SHOULD HAVE DIED
YOU DESERVE TO DIE
WHY DON'T YOU JUST DO THE WORLD THIS FAVOR
WHY DID YOU LET HIM DIE
IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOUUU
the voice screamed inside of him, causing him to only cry more.
He just wanted to die.
He just wanted to vanish.
He just didn't want to live anymore
The pain was unbearable, and pretending to be fine seamed impossible. The sin and guilt of having lost his godfather was crushing him, tearing his heart apart with every second. His hands that were still trying to cover his ears pressed even harder, his fingernails scratching the skin. The world around him was turning around, he lost his balance and fell of the bench, his fist hammering against his head, hoping to get rid of the voices inside of his head.
you should just die
You are so worthless
When will you finally free the world of your existence ?
Harry hammered even harder, blood started coming out of his nose, he didn't even hear the other students leaving the train, all he cared about right now was to rid himself of his suffering
you know how to do it Harry
The voice said, much kinder and more silent than before
Just a few cuts here and there
Come on Harry
That's the only right thing to do
Lost inside of his current state he got up, tears and blood still streaming from his face, and grabbed his back. He opened it hastily, searching for the thin sharp blade. He pulled it out of his bag and started to roll up his sweater, revealing his already scar-covered arm, putting the blade at his wrist
Just do it already !
The voice commanded harshly
Harry's breathing intensified, he felt as if he couldn't get any air, even though he was breathing in so hard. With all his might, he tried to slit his wrist, but ended up slicing through his arm, hitting a nerve. He choked, the pain was too much for him. Holding his arm, he fell to his side, still breathing hastily, his vision slowly getting darker. Just that moment, Severus Snape came into his compartment. At first, it seemed, he didn't see Harry, who was still covered and invisible. But when he looked down, he could see the blood in the floor. He reached out, grabbed the cloak and pulled it away. Seeing the young boy like this shocked him. For a moment he didn't move, then he acted quickly, casting a spell over Harry. He then got down to his level, shaking Harry and looked him into the eyes.
It was an unfamiliar look Harry saw in Snape's eyes. Almost, yeah, Almost a sad look.
"But why would he be sad ? He hates me",Harry thought to himself.
Seeing that Harry didn't move, Snape continued casting spells over him, and when he looked at his arm, he had the same sad look in his eyes again. He kindly healed the wounds, and Harry felt the pain vanishing. He was so confused by this situation, and got even more confused when Snape took out a healing potion, slowly putting it into Harry's throat.
Harry choked as he drank the potion. Hearing this, Snape looked a little bit more relaxed, but still worried. He picked Harry up, and started
Heading towards the exit.
"Pro...fess...or" Harry tried
"Don't talk now Potter" Snape shut him up
"Rest, you're still healing. We'll talk about this later" Snape added
Harry was still confused, what was happening here ?
Snape waved his wand, forming a patronus and spoke to it "tell Professor Dumbledore that I found Potter sneaking around the train, and that I'm going to ask him about him. I will guide him to his room later".
That was the last thing Harry heard, before he passed out
YOU ARE READING
Enlightenment in my Darkness ~ snarry
Storie d'amore"Hold me, save me, don't leave me !" It's his sixth year in Hogwarts, and Harry is struggling with the loss of his godfather Sirius. He doesn't know how to handle the pain, and feels guilty. He doesn't know who to talk to, as it seems, that nobody q...
