The Doubt Fic

Chapter 2 Part 2

      After only ten minutes they'd arrived at Josh's house. It was small and worn out, but Tyler didn't really care, it's not like he'd even remember it anyway. They walked through the itchy, long and uncut grass, to the front door which Josh unlocked right away. He walked in and gestured for Tyler to follow.

"I'm home! I brought my friend, Tyler," Josh shouted.

"Whatever fag!" a feminine voice shouted back harshly, Tyler assumed this was his mom. Josh looked embarrassed and he grabbed Tyler by the hand and the two ran upstairs. The stairs creaked underneath their toes.

   Tyler swiped his hand across the wall. The paint on each wall was peeling slowly and surely, you could tell by just looking. They took a few more steps until they arrived in Josh's room, which happened to be a lot cleaner than the rest of the house.

   Tyler walked into the small, cube shaped room and looked around at the shelves. He first looked at all the photos, on the black tall dresser.

"Who's this?" Tyler pointed to a little girl, in an older photo, with Josh. They were smiling widely, as if they'd received all the best riches, the world could ever give.

"That's my sister, Ashley. She uh.. She passed away just last year," Josh said wiping a single fresh tear away, "she was really, really sick."

"Oh gosh. I'm so sorry," Tyler spoke in a sympathetic tone. He leant in to comfort him in a long and sweet hug.

"Yeah, after that my mom decided to deal with the trauma by not giving a shit about her other kids. She doesn't even work anymore, that's kind of why our house looks like this. Me and my siblings Abigail and Jordan are the ones who work. It sucks."

   Tyler didn't know how to reply, so instead he just hugged him again and moved on with looking around the room. He then found a pile of lined papers, writing littered the front and back of each. Tyler picked them up and turned to Josh,

"What are these?"

    Josh flinched at the question and quickly grabbed the papers from out of Tyler's hands.

"Nothing, they're nothing. I promise," he was lying, right through his pearl white teeth.

"Tell me Josh. Please. You can trust me I swear," Tyler said, stepping closer towards him.

"suicide notes," he whispered, so faintly that Tyler could barely hear, but he did.

"Oh."

    Josh burst into a river of tears and quiet sobs escaped, from his chapped, pale pink lips. Tyler embraced him in his skinny and frail arms. They sat together like this for a few moments, until Tyler asked,

"Are you comfortable with talking about it?"

"Do you want me to explain it?" Josh answered Tyler with a question of his own.

"Yeah, please."

     Then Josh spent the next hour explaining to Tyler every single reason he'd ever doubted himself. He explained that he was scared of himself, scared of how he looked and scared of how he acted. He told him that fear was the number one trigger for what he tried to do, each time. Fear eventually lead to anxiety and Josh didn't even know himself anymore.

"That's why," he told Tyler, and then Tyler's phone buzzed.

Momma♡: Hey sorry to bother you sweetie, but it's time to come home. I wanted you here to eat dinner. I'm coming to pick you up in 5 minutes. :)

     Tyler frowned at the fact he'd be leaving Josh soon.

"What is it?" Josh asked.

"My mom is picking me up soon."

"Oh, Okay. Sorry we didn't end up doing much," Josh spoke with a shaking, mellow tone voice, as he wiped away his many tears.

"It's fine, I just like being with you," he reassured sincerely.

"Oh. I just like being with you as well," Josh giggled.

                     <•!•>

"Did you have fun?" Kelly asked, just as Tyler stepped into the passenger seat next to her.

"We didn't do much. I looked around his room and found.. uh I found his s-suicide notes.."

"I'm sorry?" She asked unclear.

"Josh has attempted to kill himself, more than once. Momma I don't know what to do! What if he tries again?! What if he succeeds?! I don't want him to die momma, I'm no good without him!" Tyler screeched.

"Sh, sh, sh. It's okay. Josh will be fine," Kelly said trying to calm Tyler down.

"Are you sure?" He said looking up at his mother with tears in his little, puppy dog eyes.

"I promise. Here, I'll even pinky promise." She held her pinky out, and Tyler grabbed hold to it with his own

"Thank You"