Birth of a Time Lady

Confession

They were sitting, just sitting, completely quietly. The Doctor was staring at her, and she had to avert her eyes slightly. She couldn't stand to look directly at him just now.

They had talked so much that afternoon was fading into evening, and the sky above the lake was striped with color. After he had told her stories of his adventures, of companions and wives and planets and time travel, she had told him everything. She had come clean about her hand in the war, as a small-time espionage expert employed to manipulate Dalek data banks. She had told him about everything she had done, including how she had escaped from her prison.

That was what had rendered him silent. The Doctor was shocked enough by the idea of so much blood on her hands that he hadn't uttered a word in six full minutes. She knew it was six, because she was counting every painful second.

"How many?" His question was quiet, and precisely spoken.

"At least fifty. Maybe more. I just killed any of them that crossed my path. I wasn't really thinking very hard about it."

The Doctor gave a slow nod, as if processing the information. "I'm sorry you had to do that. It must have been terrible."

"Terrible for them," she said in a low voice, unapologetically. She glanced back, and her face grew stern at the Doctor's expression. "Don't give me that look. You don't exactly love the Daleks either. I did what I had to do to survive."

"You can't seriously be telling me you don't think about it? You don't regret it at all?"

She took a deep breath. "No Doctor, I don't. I know I should, and I feel bad that I don't, but... I still don't. After everything I went through I... I just can't feel anything positive towards them."

She half expected a lecture. The other half of her expected disgust, or at least a little bit of yelling. What she didn't expect was the arm that gently pulled her to the Doctor's side, and the hand that stroked her hair.

She sighed and relaxed, leaning against his shoulder. It felt natural, and it calmed her nerves. "I wish I were more like you," she mumbled.

"No, you really don't," the Doctor told her with a slight smile. "I'm just a madman who got his hands on a time machine. You're brilliant. You did things I can scarcely imagine, and here you are, still carrying on, strong as ever."

She felt a slight heat in her cheeks at his compliments. "Nah, I'm not that strong. I just pretended to be. You made it easy."

"Don't be daft, of course you are." He blinked a few times, as if only just comprehending what she had said. "How did I make it easy?"

"You were my friend," she told him, although she knew that wasn't the correct word. "My best friend. I adored the way you saw the universe and everything in it. Including me. I wanted to live up to your expectations, I suppose."

"You surpassed them," he said, his voice growing quiet again. His eyes were distant, as if he were thinking of what to say, and she frowned slightly.

"What is it?"

For once, he actually seemed nervous, and it made her nervous as well. His free hand fidgeted as he put forth his question. "Well, it's just... we were friends, good friends, great even. And I was wondering what made us drift apart, and, well..."

"Oh." She said her single word response in a small voice. She had slightly dreaded that question.

"Right. So... why didn't you come?"

Her hearts were both beating faster in her chest. She swallowed the lump in her throat, and tried to act casually, as if it didn't matter. "You were getting married. You didn't need me there."

"Yes, I did." He sounded so vulnerable, and the look in his eyes and slight tremor in his voice betrayed how much that incident had stuck with him. "All those times when we were children, and you would show up every time I needed to talk, to keep me stable and unafraid. Why not that day, when I most needed you to tell me I had nothing to fear?"

"Because I couldn't lie to you, and I'm not a hypocrite, and I couldn't tell you that you shouldn't be afraid when I was downright terrified."

"But why were you terrified, when it was my wedding?"

She was backed into a corner now. "Don't pretend like you don't already know the answer to that," she said in barely more than a whisper. She finally locked eyes with him again, searching his face for any signs of a reaction.

The Doctor's face was impossible to read, but his voice lowered to match hers. "So... all that time?"

She nodded. All her courage had been spent, and she could no longer speak. Because it was true. All the time she had known him, the truth she had been afraid to admit was simply that she loved him. It had taken her centuries to even say that much, and now that it was laid bare, she had no idea what else to do.

In the end, the Doctor solved her problem for her. He pulled her into a tight hug, as if she were the only thing preventing him from drifting away into space. She wrapped her arms around him, squeezing back, trying to hold on as long as she could.

Suddenly though, they were facing each other again. Before she could react, a pair of lips was pressed firmly but tenderly against hers.

She closed her eyes and fell into the kiss without a second thought. After what seemed like a small eternity, they parted, and the Doctor chuckled slightly. She opened her eyes to look at him, and saw his eyes shining slightly with tears, a grin unlike any other plastered across his face.

"Well it's about damn time."