Tired of Lies

Trapped

"I feel like I'm trapped in a box and no one can hear me scream. I wanted to shout and yell but I'm too scared to make a sound. People think I am too shy or think that I am rude but their words hurt even when they don't mean to. I take in every word, I take in every sound. Wishing I could forget about what you said but it keeps coming back around. When you want to tell your story or share your tale everyone thinks you're crazy and you should be happy but I can't. Their words sting every time they are said and I know I just can't go to bed. I didn't mean to hurt you, I didn't mean to be rude. I just wanted to be alone but I also wanted you to stay. How are you supposed to be yourself when you are judged by how you look? I really try to smile and not care about what you said but I can't get the words out of my head no matter how hard I try.

People think that you are just putting on a show for everyone to see but I know But the pain in my heart won't go away. Some days I can't take it and you think I'm just being rude but I try to hold everything in to fool you. How Am I supposed to be happy when you are putting me down? We taught to be kind but we don't listen. We are overcome by our fear and emotion. I hope one day we can learn to be kind. I know I am hurting I know I my cries but even if I told you it wouldn't change a thing. I'm slamming my hands against the door wanting a way out. I know that there isn't one but I hope there is. I feel like I am alone but I have so much company. I want to change the way I see everyone but how do you do that when everyone around you won't. How do you say when your thoughts when you know they will be out down. I feel a pounding in my head and an ache in my heart.

I feel like I am crashing and I don't know where to start. I try to commit to things but I end up giving up. I daydream what could've been instead of taking a step. I thought I did well with rejection but I guess I don't. Everyday I fall harder and harder not knowing how to stop. I am happy for a second but then it starts to stop. I am still trapped in my box trying to find a way out. My inner demons consuming me. I don't know how I'm going to get through this but I do know there is a way. I am still very young and finding my way."

I look up from my paper and I wait for the reaction of my piers scared to know what they think. I was already eating myself up and no one has even said anything yet. I'm sweating and my hands are shaking but I don't notice. I look over at Mrs. Johnson and she has a look of concern. Why was she looking at me like that? Did I have something on my face or on my clothes? I probably shouldn't worry about it but still. It's worse than looking at my classmates so I start staring at them again. Then there is a roar of clapping and I release the breath I was holding on to. I thank the class then I quickly go back in my seat. The presentation is over but why do I still feel everyone's eyes on me?

I know I'm probably being paranoid but I don't know. I hate presenting, I can't say that I am overreacting because you know everyone is looking at you because you have an assignment ready for them to either love and forget about or worse tear it apart then forget about. I patiently waited for the bell to ring so I could quickly bolt out that door. The bell rang and I waited until everyone got out and then I left. I roamed the halls not sure what to do. I usually ate my lunch in the bathroom but the janitor was cleaning it today so that was out. I couldn't eat in the one near the cafeteria because too many people used that one and I didn't feel like seeing other people. I decided to walk to my locker and get my lunch anyway. As I headed to my locker I saw the crowd of the so called "populars." I don't get it. What made them so special from everyone else? They were people just like us but for some reason we cared so much about what happened to them or how they dressed or if they talked to us or not but why? Was it the way they dressed? The way they looked? What was it and why did it matter? The worse part was they knew people looked at them as if they could walk on water and that made it worse. Not only that I cared about what they did too.

When I finally snap back into my own thoughts it was already too late because I bump into someone. His tray goes flying food falling everywhere and I already know it does not look too pretty.

"I'm so sorry." I look up at see a fair skinned skinny boy with light eyes, dark black hair and glasses. He had terrible acne and the poor boy had braces too.

"No, it's fine it was an accident I should've been paying attention."

I giggled "I wasn't paying attention either."

"Yeah well next time I'll keep my eyes forward instead of in my book."

"And I will stop daydreaming and focus on  reality."

He laughed. We said our goodbyes and left. Then I realized something. I had judged him instantly and I mean like without a second thought. I had thought that he was weird and dorky because he had braces, glasses, and acne. I didn't even know him. I judged him because I wanted an answer as quickly as possible so I made an assumption based by a belief that a majority of people believed because I couldn't handle not knowing about it instantly. My greatest fear had just hit me and I knew it was the truth even though I didn't want to admit it. I do that everyday just like everyone else.