Some Badgers like Snakes

Jacob

My heart was racing a million miles per second. I could feel it's thunderous thumping ringing through my ears, I prayed Elle couldn't hear it too. Her head was practically resting on my shoulder and it felt weird, very very nice, but weird for two new friends.
She was looking up at me, her shining eyes staring into mine. Her eyes were a bright cognac that resembled dancing  flames of liquid gold. They made my boring, old, green eyes seem pathetic. I gazed down at her soft, lovely face. There was a moment when the rest of the world disappeared, everything seemed duller and darker but she...she lit up my whole world. It felt silly to think. At fifteen years old I hadn't the slightest idea about love or soulmates, but if that's in any way what this was, I'd somehow won the lottery.
A cool night breeze blew past us, rustling the long, drooping, leaves and blowing a few strands of hair into Elle's face. Without thinking I sat up slightly and pinned them back behind her ears. She looked up at me, an unreadable expression covering her face. I looked down at her, she was just so beautiful. For a brief second I almost considered leaning in to kiss her, I was so close already it would be so simple. I sighed and slowly pulled away from her. She likes you as a friend, I reminded myself. I would have to at least try to think of her the same way. I started some meaningless small talk as I noticed her shiver a little.
"Getting chilly isn't it?" I whispered, staring up at the moon.
"Yeah, a little windy I suppose." She mumbled.
She sounded disappointed, I hoped I hadn't made her feel angry when I touched her hair. I scolded myself, I shouldn't have touched her without permission, it just felt...wrong. I'd been taught to be a gentleman my whole life and I simply threw it all away at the sight of a pretty face, a beautiful face rather. I heard footsteps. My heart began to race again, I didn't want Elle to get in trouble, me either actually. She looked just as afraid as I did, her eyes widening as the noises got louder.
I peeked around the trunk of the tree, I saw students walking down the corridor, dinner must be over. I gave a sigh of relief, we wouldn't be getting in trouble tonight.
I told her everything was fine, but I knew we better get going. We awkwardly whispered our goodbyes, although it was truly the last thing I wanted to say.
She threw me the cutest little wave over her shoulder. It was so effortless, she had no idea what she was doing to me.
I waited a few moments just in case anyone was watching, I was afraid we might still look suspicious if we were seen exiting the courtyard at the same time. After a minute or two I headed down the long school hallways to the Slytherin dungeons. I replayed our little meeting over and over in my head.
She'd asked about my favourite memory. I'd hated lying to her.
I'd told her some slightly exaggerated story about my tenth birthday. It was true that it was my birthday, and that father said I was becoming a man, but most of the other details had been "happy-fied" for Elle's sake.
The real story was that my father went to work early in the morning and my mother was out at a luncheon/garden party after giving me a swift "Happy Birthday"over breakfast. My housekeeper had felt bad and took me down to the river where we sat and ate a small picnic lunch. Mother had bought a cake but told us she and father would be out that night and hadn't any time to celebrate. So the housekeeper, butler, gardener, pool boy, and I ate the cake that night after dinner. I'd enjoyed the day overall, all things considered.
It wasn't much but it was my best birthday and my second favourite memory.
I hadn't wanted to tell Elle my first. In all honesty, my favourite memory was the day we first met. I'd felt so awkward, so positively petrified at the thought of Hogwarts and Elle had waltzed right in and made it better.
I thought that might be an odd thing to say to her though. She probably would have felt bad for me or felt weird herself, I didn't want to risk it; I was bad with emotions.
"Where have you been?" Ethan's voice rang clearly as I walked quietly into the common room.
I looked over to see him lounging in a velvet, green, armchair by the dying fireplace. He seemed to be intently watching the flames rise and commit suicide as they consumed the charred log. He didn't take his eyes off them as he asked his question, not bothering to look at me.
"Out." I answered coolly.
"Out?" He sneered mockingly,
"Out where?" His eyes still glued to the fire.
"Just out." I sighed, "Nowhere really."
He turned to face me. His expression was blank. He patted the thick cushiony seat of the chair next to him, a message for me to take a seat.
"I don't like being deceived, Jacob." He whispered, putting his eyes back on the fireplace.
I shifted in my seat, I tried to figure what he was getting at, this was awkward. I felt like I was being interrogated; it was almost creepy.
"What-what do you mean?" I asked slowly stuttering a little in my confusion.
"I'm trying to be a good friend, Jacob."
His soft voice said, again almost eerily.
I suppressed a scoff. Yeah he'd been a great friend recently. Throwing me into walls, threatening me, being a basic jerk. I listened though.
"Making sure kids treated you properly,  making you almost popular, giving you the confidence you so desperately need." He mused quietly, still staring into the flames.
I couldn't deny he had a point. I'd joined Ethan for the protection he provided me with due to his popularity. He had probably provided me with more "popularity" than I could have ever come up with alone, and I was much more confident with Ethan and Brock by my side.
"All I ask is that you behave." He sighed.
He made it sound like I was a dog being scolded for misbehaving. Or like a parent giving the old I'm not mad, just disappointed.
"I'm sorry?" I asked quizzically.
He turned to face me, "You are a pureblood, you're a Slytherin. People like you, people like us," he said the word with relish, as if we were gods instead of pubescent teenage boys.
"We don't belong with others. Our place is at the top! We should be treated as the superiors we are. You denying your birth right makes us look pathetic. You make it seem like we're all equals, when we both know we're not. No matter how much time passes there will always be those who remember the truth." His eyes bore into mine.
His words sounded so clear, so confident, so true. I couldn't help but nod along with him. I realized what I was apparently agreeing to and felt ashamed.
How could he believe this?! I wondered, although there was a time not long ago when I had myself.
It's how we'd been raised, and although it wasn't a good excuse, it was the only one I had.
I decided to play along, why make enemies when I could have fake friends.
"You're right. It was a temporary lapse of judgment on my part, I apologize. You've cleared everything up, reopened my eyes. Don't worry, it won't happen again." I assured solemnly, nodding my head as seriously as possible.
He smiled slightly, satisfied with his getting through to me.
"I'll be going to bed now," I said standing up. ",this day has worn me out."
"Good, good." He mumbled looking back to the flickering fire.
"Glad to have you back, friend."
His words sent a chill down my spine as I walked away.
As soon as I was in the dorm I exhaled.
That was...something.
He made me so scared, probably on purpose. His words hung in the air, quiet and spooky. I shivered even now just thinking about it again. I figured it would be easier to just get along with Ethan without really caring about whatever he said. There was no harm in pretending right? I knew I didn't believe in blood supremacy anymore, so what did it matter? I'd nod politely and go back to being Ethan's quiet little minion by day and Elle William's best friend by night. I smiled as the thought of Elle crept back into my conscious. She had smiled, laughed, and talked to me so easily. She made me feel like I needed to be more. I needed to become a better person, I needed to do it for her. I sighed, being as lost as I was, I doubted I'd ever be a better person.
I lay in bed for what must have been hours.
The emerald, silk sheets were cold and uncomfortable. I repositioned myself a million times trying to find relaxation.
Nothing was as warm and cozy as I'd felt with Elle's head on my shoulder.
I prayed that wouldn't become my new standard for sleep. I'd never be able to replace or even try to replicate it.
I sat there quietly, listening to the soft sound of my own breathing in the room's silence.
I imagined what it might be like if Elle did like me back, in the way I apparently liked her. I dared to get my hopes up, and lay there in fantasy.
It was magnificent, but it wasn't real.
I closed my eyes and drifted, slowly,off to sleep. I saw a familiar face that night in my dreams.

I woke up with a start. Artificial sunlight shone through a fake window so we would be able to know it was morning. My heart was pounding, I wiped the back of my neck to find a thin sheen of cold sweat.
I'd dreamed of Elle.
We'd been in some sort of clearing. It was green and bright. The sunlight had brought out the orange and blonde in her hair, it shined wonderfully. She'd sat there looking at the blue sky, playing with the small spring flowers, then suddenly she got up and stared at me. She stood there for what could have been minutes or even hours.
A single tear rolled down her cheek and she was gone in a puff of thick, black, smoke.
That's when I woke up.
I wondered what it all meant.
Clearly it had something to do with Elle, maybe a fear involving her.
I mean I guess I was kind of afraid to lose her again, but who wouldn't be?
I remembered my thoughts last night on how she needed a better person, or at least a better version of me. I realized just how true that was. It was selfish to want Elle when she clearly deserved better. I decided right there that I would need to become everything she needed, everything I didn't think I could be. I'd do it for her.