Falling For You

Chapter 8

--------------------------------------2 week later------------------------------

Noah and i thought it'd be best if he stayed for a couple weeks, I didn't want to be alone, and he didn't want me to be alone. Obviously in different rooms. I felt safe with him around though.

It's been 2 whole weeks since the most frightening night of my life, I can never un see the events of that night but i'm trying to look past it. And with Noah... well my desire for him is killing me inside, every time I walk past him in the hallway I just want to meet his lips with mine and take him in my arms like nothing in the world mattered more. But I can't, we havent really talked, just the casual 'What do you want for breakfast?'. I can't bring myself to talk to him, it's too overwhelming. Luckily I've been regularly meeting with a therapist and I've made progress.

''So, when do you want to go back? To LA I mean'' I questioned him.

''It's up to you''

''Well today is....'' I drifted off counting on my fingers trying to think of what day it was.

''Thursday'' He finished for me with a chuckle.

''Yeah, I knew that.'' I said with a blush. ''So lets leave on Saturday?''

''Fine with me'' There was an uncomfortable awkwardness when we spoke, I could tell he felt it too. 

It's a recovery stage my therapist told me. It's not just me who has to heal, one of the many reasons I can't be with him. We need time apart, my only concern is what if he moves on too fast. What if he doesn't want me anymore. At this point I wouldn't want me either (sorry to my therapist who's been constantly telling me not to criticise myself but maybe I deserve it). 

He barely glanced at me as we ate dinner. I'm not sure how much longer I can live like this, I have to talk to him.

------------------------------------------The next Day------------------------------------------

I stayed up all night thinking about what I'd say to him, how I'd say it and thought of every single possible scenario he'd react. I don't know much about my future but I know that I can't live without him. It's like some sort of connection, the ones you'd read about in fairy tales or see in the romance movies. Stupid is an understatement I know but  can't lie to myself any more and deny it. 

I left my room after an hour of mindfulness, nerves still tingiling in every inch of my body. I knocked on his room door and for the first time in what felt like centuries we met each other's gaze and in the moment everything I had previously thought of blanked instead honest words exited my mouth in the best way I could have ever put it. This was it.

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