Surviving Negan (BOOK FOUR IN THE SURVIVING THE WALKING DEAD SERIES)

Guts

" No, no, no, no, no." I cried as I slid down the wall, holding my knees to my chest. I could faintly make out David's blood that still stained the floors, walls, and ceiling. I felt the air grow thicker as the walls closed in on me. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think, I was hysterically crying, pleading for anyone who could hear me to open the door. "Let me out. Let me out. Let me out."

"Michaela?" I felt a gentle hand grasp my arm. "Michaela, you need to calm down. Breathe."

"I-I-I can't." I stammered between breaths.

"Yes, you can. Think about Daryl, Michaela. Think about Alexandria, think about home." I finally looked up to see Lori looking at me with pleading eyes. "It's gonna be okay." A few seconds later, another gentle hand grabbed my shoulder.

"It's alright, sweetheart." Dale smiled at me. "Just breathe."

"M-M-My face." I whimpered.

"It's okay, it's just the oxygen flowing back to your head. It's good. Just breathe." I finally began to calm down, taking in sporadic breaths as I tried to regulate my breathing. "That's it, you're doing great, hon. Slow breaths, in and out." A few minutes passed by before I finally rested my head against the wall.

"Do you feel better?" Lori asked.

"Carl." I mumbled. "He's got Carl."

"I know." Lori sighed.

"I gotta save 'em. I- I gotta get outta here."

"Good luck with that, darlin'." We all looked up at the Governor as he smirked down at me. "You fucked up, he's as good as dead."

"HE'S ALIVE! I KNOW IT!"

"I tried to help ya, but ya wouldn't let me get a single word in. Told me to go away. Do ya regret it now, darlin'? Do ya regret not listenin' to your father?"

"You're not her father." Dale argued. "I am. We're her family, the only family she'll ever need. You didn't raise her, you never took care of her, you didn't even know she was yours and didn't care enough to even find out. And when you did find out, all you did was try to change her into the person you wanted her to be. A killer. Just like you."

"Dale, she was already a killer before she came to Woodbury. There wasn't anythin' for me to change."

"She killed those people because she had no choice, and she openly admitted to killing them when Rick asked her the three questions. We accepted Michaela for who she is, not for what she's done."

"Michaela is good." Lori added. "Unlike you, Governor. Abraham may call her Monster, but the real monster here is you."

"ENOUGH!" I snapped. "Everyone just stop!" The room fell silent. "You're both right. I am a good person, but I am also like you, Philip." The Governor's face softened as I called him by his name for the first time in forever. "I'm like you in ways that make me a survivor, but I'm like my mom by how I treat others who deserve it; with kindness, loyalty, and respect. I'm not afraid of you anymore. I thought I was, but it turns out I was just afraid of turnin' into you. I know I won't, because I'll never be you."

"Darlin'." The Governor sighed. "Darlin, I-"

"I know, ya only wanted what ya thought was best for me, and some things were. If I didn't learn to accept the fact that it was okay to kill people when need be, I wouldn't be here, some of my family wouldn't be here. I saved lives by doin' what ya taught me... how to survive." I carefully rose to my feet. "Ya don't have to make up for not raisin' me. My mom didn't tell you for whatever her reason was, and that's not your fault. You had the right to know, and she took that from ya. My mom and Mark taught me so much about how to survive on my own, but you taught me how to survive this world. I'm ready to be on my own, Philip."