okay basically i know i said i didn't want to explain it but i'm gonna anywya so basically what happened last night is my friends and i decided to go roller skating, i didn't bring enough money for skates but it was fine because we didn't really skate anyway, so basically it was going great until around 8:30 kinda, i don't know what triggered it but i started feeling really bad, sorta like thoughts running through my head (same old, and it sounds super fake deep when i say shit like this but whatever) as in like feeling worthless and how i'm probably insignificant to my friendship group and people would get over it if i died (which i hope they would, it's just i thought of it as a way like they wouldn't really care if i got hit by a car or got seriously injured, as they'd probably make a joke about it or some shit) so i felt like i was going to cry, and i rlly didn't wanna cause if i cried it'd be evident since i was wearing heavy makeup, so the night continued on i was being quiet then i finally decide to go to the bathroom. the mistake with that is that i just walked off, which idk i didn' want my friends to know i wasn't feeling good cause i didn't want to be a downer and all and ya so i went in there and cried for a bit and then i cleaned myself up with toilet paper then two of my friends came into the bathroom and i decided to be a complete bitch and brush them off, like one was trying to hug me and i just was like "i'm fine i'm fine i'm fine" and i got all defensive so ya then the whole night i was on complete edge and i hated the fact that i was still in a bad mood and people tried to make me feel better but i couldn't and i just tried to have a good time so i wouldn't be a downer but i didn't and they kept mentioning how i was rlly quiet and all that and one guy called me a whore-whatever idk it was obviously a joke but since i'm a soft piece of shit that made me tear up a little and honestly i hated last night oh dear hhnnnngn
however at the skating place they played na na na so
