Whatever It Takes

Chapter Three

     "Love is not an easy emotion to discover. Finding love, loyalty, and determination all combined in one person is even more difficult. Yet a man like you, an immature and self-loathing man such as yourself, somehow found those very emotions in one person who willingly gave everything they had to you. It makes me curious as to whether or not changing is really all that bad when sacrificed for someone who loves you to the point where oxygen, the essential gas necessary for human's survival, is no longer needed nor wanted."

The words-ones spoken from a highly respected friend, I might add- continue to burn across my mind like a raging fire, consuming everything in its path.

I want to take her up on her offer.

I really, really do.

However, I have to     change     in order to achieve Paige's cooperation.

And that was something I truly did not want to do.

A deep frown covers the crease between my eyebrows, the sound of the door slamming shut barely reaching my ears, as I was pulled into the abyss known as "thoughts".

I love Him, no doubt about that.

But just how much is that love?

Is it enough to willingly change myself, even though I shouldn't have to, just for this simple yet complex emotion?

Is it enough to sacrifice all I have known just for one person?

A growl of frustration escapes my mouth before I throw out every single worry, choosing to stick with my guns instead of laying them down in surrender.

I won't change because I know I am not in the wrong.

And with that decision firmly rooted in my mind, I begin to make my way towards our-my bedroom, determination electrifying every nerve as I set out to forget Paige's and I's conversation.

But when I awoke the next day, the sun lighting up the sky and the rooms in which the partial rays slithered into, the conversation was all too clear in my half-sedated mind.

~

      By the time Monday rolls around, all my determination had evaporated-nothing was left, not even the will to deny how much I needed to change.

Because I realize now, I did need to change.

It wasn't right to abuse your spouse, it wasn't right to beat them down using words and fists.

It was not right to hurt someone who did nothing but love and tolerate you.

A knock on the door was the sound that drew me out of my broody, guilt-filled thoughts; quickly jumping out of the kitchen chair I had been sitting in since five this morning, I dash towards the door and pull it open to reveal my childhood friend dressed in all black: black work plants, black muscle shirt, a black jacket, and black shoes.