Saved? (Niall horan)

ch.26

Julie's POV 

Dear diary, 

It's been a while, I know.

The urges come back I'm feeling the darkness consuming me again, and it hurts. I thought I would beat it this time but I didn't. I'm not strong enough I never was.

I slide the blade through my skin again, and what scares me is that it  feels so much better than before. 

             somebody that I don't know anymore. 

I sighed looking at the cuts I made myself. I looked at the time it was 3am 

"Julie." James said lightly knocking on the door.

"Yes?" I asked wiping my tears away. 

"I um....wanted to check up on you." He said walking in 

"I'm fine." I said sitting on the bed 

"No, you aren't." He said and sat at the edge of the bed 

"Maybe I am and maybe I'm not, that's none of your business." I said harshly 

"I'm sorry." He sighed 

"Kay." I said playing with one of the pages of my journal 

"Julie, you know why I'm the way that I am." He said 

"Not anymore." I said looking away 

"I never meant to hurt you...I swear." He said scooting closer to me 

"yeah, right." I let out a weak sarcastic laugh 

"I can't tell you why I did what I did to you." He said looking Me in the eyes 

"Why?" I asked

"I don't want anything bad to happen to you." He sighed 

"If you don't want anything bad happen to me then why are you doing this?" I asked 

"Because It'll be worse for you." He admitted 

"Tell me, it's really bothering you." I said 

"Fine." He said rubbing the back of his neck 

"Go on." I pressed getting impatient 

"It's Joey, he told me if I didn't want you dead then I would have to send your sister back to your dad and keep you here for 6 months." He said looking at me 

"My sister? Wait what does she have to do with any of this?" I asked putting my journal aside 

"Well you know that night she escaped from your dad?" He asked and I nodded 

"Joey did some pretty bad things before your sister, anyway, when she was walking he asked her if she wanted a ride and of course she said yes, he took her to his house and uh....he her raped and he said if she tried to leave he would take her back to your dad." He said 

"What's the point she's back with my dad anyway." I said 

"She's just staying there for 3 weeks." he reassured me 

"Do you know what my dad's capable of?" I asked 

"well he did kill your mom." he shrugged 

"and you helped." I pointed out 

"Okay, he told me to take something down in the basement I didn't know what or who it was. Until he told me to keep quiet, and explained what had happened." He said 

"You still helped him get away with murder." I said 

"I'm really sorry, really, really, really sorry." He sighed looking at his hands