Meaningless

Beginning With The End

I'm not going to sugar coat this. Life isn't all gumdrops and rainbows, it sucks for some of us. If you're looking for a story with magical unicorn kittens, look elsewhere. Oh, and just putting this out there, high school sucks! Drama, popularity, the odds are all stacked against us.

As I walk out into the crisp morning air, I wonder once again what the point of my life is. I start to the end of my drive, and my phone starts to ring. When September Ends by Greenday. Oh my gosh Cory! Why must you call me?

"Hello?" I answer in my friendliest tone.

"Hi!!!!" Cory's muffled voice still sounds more perky than anyone should ever be.

"No Cory." I already know what he's going to ask.

"Aww, I didn't even ask yet!!!" I can hear the pouty face voice begging me to get in my truck.

"You were going to ask for a ride, but I'm walking," I reply sternly. No pouty puppy will make me waste gas and an opportunity to lose a few pounds.

As if he can read my mind he retaliates with, "You're a friggin twig! If you lose any more weight, you'll be a pencil!"

"Whatever Cory. I'll be there in five."

"Yay! Thanks Dawn, I knew you wouldn't make me suffer." See? Way to perky. How are we even friends? I reach for my pocket where I keep my keys and back track to my garage. I climb in, and turn on the bluetooth for my stereo. Seems like a Bullet day right?

I pull up to Cory's, and I'm singing the chorus "My legs are dangling off the edge.." and when he climbs in I yell, "The bottom of the bottle is my only friend...." just to annoy him. As it plays on I have to agree with it's all around theme of suicide, and being happy about it. "Gone on too long tell you how it ends..." It ends with me in a bathtub bled out after today. Time to say good-bye.

I pull into the school lot and jump out of the driver seat. I say good-bye to Cory and head off to german two. Last time I will ever sit through the class and glance over at Andrew Gregory Thomas, and wonder 'what if?' but the 'what if?s are pointless. What if I was popular? What if I wasn't as awkward? What if I didn't push people away? To late to worry about it now, but I will miss those ice blue eyes that might flick my why every once in awhile.

I walk into class only to be greeted by the ice blue eyes in question. "Um... h-hi Andrew." I stutter and scold myself for it. If I only have one day left to be alive, I might as well live it. Correct my posture, try again. "Hi Andrew, what's up?"

"Can I talk to you for a sec?" I watch as his lips form the words. Oh stop it! I have to stop doing that!

"Sure, but may I ask why?" I'm trying to act confident, but I'm desperately failing.

He pulls me aside, grabbing me by the elbow. "Um... I don't know how to say this, but..." The bell rings, saving me. "After class."

Surprised, I let my bravado fall. Is this really happening? Andrew Thomas, the most popular guy in school, just asked me to talk to him after class. Not sure what's going on, but I like it. Why today? I guess ending it tonight wouldn't be right now. Maybe it's a sign. "I... uh... sure?" I hope this isn't a joke. But even if it isn't, what will people say? He looks me in the eye and relaxes noticeably.

I nod and head to my seat. I glance over at him, my crush since sixth grade, and he winks at me. I'm melting between the cracks, and fast. Not yet, but for the first time in years, I'm thinking I might have a chance.

"Alright class, turn to page 88 in your textbooks..." The rest of Mr.Kane's monotone instructions are drowned out by my thoughts. What if he's going to tell me off? What if someone told him I like him? What if he likes me? I need to stop, I'm only hurting myself. It's this stuff that hurt me in 8th grade with my friends, and this kind of thing that kills me with tests.