"It's gonna be great, I already know that their going to love me. You know, I've never met a person who hasn't loved me? I would definitely love myself if I were another person, I'm one of the smartest men alive and I can't even think of a time where I've been wrong." The driver rolled his eyes; his fare hadn't stopped talking since he got in, but if the man was paying, who was he to complain. "I make the best decisions possible, you know that? I've never made a bad deal, I actually quite pride myself on that. I'm sure every man looks in the mirror and says: 'I wish I could be more like good 'ole Paulie Tolson. Now that's a man I can look up to.' Have you ever met somebody you can look up to whatever your name is? If you haven't then you sure as anything have now, let me tell you, I really know how to set a great example for people. There was this one time that I actua..."
The driver tuned him out.
"This man looks ridiculous", he thought. With all his talking and over-the-top hand movements about how infallible he was, Paulie had worked himself up until his face was a bright shade of orange. The driver couldn't help but stifle a laugh. All this over what? An inflated ego? Nowhere in his ramblings did Paulie say what it was he was actually on his way to do, but that was none of the driver's business. He was the man who sat quietly and drove, not the one to interject his own opinions and possibly lose a tip.
"...and that's the story of how I singlehandedly saved an entire economy using my own superior brain and never-ending work ethic. It was the most amazing display that anyone's ever seen. I only wish there had been more people there to truly understand how great it really was. I'm just a great person all-around. I really should be given more power, I'm also one of the most responsible men I've ever met so I'm completely sure that I could handle more power..."
"Power." scoffed the driver. "That's the last thing this man should ever be given, I don't see what kind of person would ever put this man in charge of anything."
"... and I really believe that I could be the smartest man ever to have lived..."
That was the last straw, the driver couldn't handle any more narcissism. "I'm sorry," he interrupted, "but what was it that you said you were heading to again?"
Paulie looked a little surprised, "Excuse me, I thought I was talking, but if you must know, I'm heading to meet my new patient. I'm a specialist in this sort of thing and I was chosen specifically out of hundreds, if not thousands of specialists, to take care of this duty, so don't you dare doubt my competence, okay? I can't believe you would attack me like that, totally uncalled for, what were you even thinking? Do you even know who I..."
The driver didn't let him finish, "Calm down, I wasn't attacking you, and you actually didn't tell me anything, you just used a bunch of vague terms to make it sound like you were important. Can you actually tell me any details about this 'sort of thing' or should I assume that you have no idea what you're doing?"
At this point, Paulie was writhing with anger, "I doubt you would understand the first thing about this sort of thing, okay, so don't even try to check me, I've been around this kind of thing my entire life and let me tell you, my name, when it comes to this, is huge, okay? So if you're just going to sit there and critique me, just know that you're wrong."
"See, you just did it again! Nowhere in your rambling did you say one thing that made any sense. You said 'patient', right? Are you some kind of doctor?"
"No, but if you must know, I'm a sighted guide, I lead blind people. I'm one of the best to have ever done it, trust me. I know all about it, I'm actually one of the leading specialists on the subject."
The driver felt ashamed for doubting Paulie, "Wow that's incredible, is it hard, working with people who can't see for themselves?"
"Oh, I wouldn't know, I've never actually done it before, but trust me, this is my first time and I already know that I'm gonna be the best that's ever done it, trust me, I've got a really good feeling about this one."
Slightly confused, the driver asked, "But I thought you said you were an expert on the subject? How can you be an expert if you just got out of your certification classes?"
"Certification classes?" Paulie laughed. "No, this is my first exposure to any of this, but I'm already the best there is at it!"
"How did you even get this job?" the driver cried. "Doesn't that seem dangerous for you to be taking care of somebody who needs help taking care of themselves?"
"Well a bunch of my friends own the only company that employs sighted guides, great guys, I love 'em all, they're all just like me, mirror images, I would almost say they're as smart as I am, except that they aren't because nobody's as smart as I am. Anyways, they just gave me the job because they like me so much, honestly though, it doesn't even matter, a buffoon could do this with no problem, so I already know that the smartest man alive can do the best job ever."
The driver slowed his car to a stop and put it in park. He never thought that his day would be starting like this. He felt angry, angry at the man, angry at the injustices, angry at the future of whatever poor 'patient' this man was soon going to be guiding. How could there be a man like this picked to lead another person? Wouldn't those in charge have wanted someone who actually knew what they were doing to be out there? These were questions that the driver knew he couldn't ask without exploding.
"We're here. Get out." the driver said, holding back every foul word he knew. He had never met a more irritating man in his entire life. He just wanted this ride to end, he wanted to get back on his way and never have to cross paths with Paulie Tolson
As Paulie climbed out of his car, the driver noticed how clumsy Paulie seemed to be, tripping over his own shoelace, and nearly falling straight on his face. "Unfit to lead physically, too." He thought. At this point, his temper was boiling inside of him and he couldn't see this disgusting man for one more second.
"You know what? Don't even pay, I just want you out of my car, I just want get back to driving around normal sane people!"
Paulie turned around confused, "I thought you knew, I wasn't going to pay you anyways. You wanna know why? You're much too talkative. You're fired."
And with that, Paulie Tolson walked away towards his new life.
