Random Thoughts I Have At Night

2/12/17-Sunday 9:48pm

My opinions about disorders and such

Insomia.

The person who suffers this usually, in my perspective as an insomniac. The only thing I'd want is a break from the endless train of thoughts.

Although this "disorder" keeps me active to do more productive stuff, as if it would be like something to pay off my debt of procrastination...
Yes, it could be truly helpful in some cases. But, either way, it's a disorder.

Many people romanticize(?) Mental disorders, thinking if you had this illness or disorder it would make you special.

Well, no.
It makes you the exact opposite. It's like a chain tying you back from doing new stuff.

What's the big deal about insomnia? Well, nothing really.
It's just like any disorder, you'd hallucinate, be fatigued. Nothing out of the ordinary in disorders. But, is there really anything ordinary having disorders?

Should I really get in depth with this topic? It's trully intriguing to me, I've been living with this problem. But yet, I've only spoken to a few people about this.

Uhhh.... yeah.... so new topic?

Anxiety.

I think of anxiety as it were like a... boat?
Here's why, boats don't sink of water around them, don't they? They sink because of the water that gets in them.

Now, that water is... society, oppinions, problems, and such. That boat sinks and tears apart. I've always disregarded the feeling of anxiety, I've tried to steer clear from stuff that would trigger me to panic.

And that's when I realised, I haven't been living my life to the fullest, giving myself limitations. Albeit, I could've surpassed limitations I gave myself, telling myself I shouldn't look at the mirror doesn't really help me, if I feel ugly.

Then, I should try to make myself prettier? Yeah. But how would I do that, if I don't know how I look like?
As I'm writing this, thoughts pass by like "maybe I shouldn't post this" or just doubting. But, if I don't post this. How will I get critism to improve myself?

ADHD

I don't agree or I'm not comfortable with calling this a disorder.
All it does is make me hyperactive? And doesn't keep me idle. Kids are like that all the time, so why must this be a disorder? Couldn't it be a perk? Something less harsh.

People often call people with disabbilities, challenged. But why do they call people with ADHD, a person with a disorder?

Why do I have to take pills to soothe my hyperactive brain? The more hyperactive I am, the more stuff I could get done, right?

I may not be able to write an essay without doing something else first but, it gives me more ideas.

I hope someday, this wouldn't be called a disorder, it gives off a negative vibe.

Depression

The one I'm scared to talk about the most.
You may think that, a depressive person wouldn't be able to talk about this, but. No. We can.

Depression does not translate to a person, who cuts, who isolates themselves, who's dark. It does not instantly translate to that.

I didn't realise I was depressed, until I got a test and stuff like that. I was truly convinced I was healthy. But I was wrong.

Depression shouldn't be depicted as something that's dark, depression could be happening to anyone.

You try to fit in, and when you do. You find out it's not where you belong. There's a difference between fitting in, and belonging.

My depression... isn't much to talk about, you may tag it as "stress" or such, but you can change the fact, that I am ill.

An ill person shouldn't be saying this stuff then, right?

Wrong, again.
There are some depressive people who are slef aware of their position now, they're aware of what they're going through. But don't know how to end it.

Eating disorders or body dysmorphia (?)

"We raise our little girls to view their bodies as projects to constantly be improved"

Doesn't that seem alarming?
It might not be for some people, but it is to others.

Many disorders cause deaths, many disorders cause a problem for their futures, being unable to communicate.

A fear of not being able to fit in, a fear of falling apart. In my stand point, these disorders are inhumane, breaking down your body with no satisfaction.

And once you do gain satisfaction, it's when you lose yourself. I can't say much because I'm just scared to face this problem myself

I've been clean of cutting for 3 days and clean of purging for 2 days.