Poems

Comfort

• "Comfort ; a state of physical ease and freedom from pain and constraint, the easing or alleviation of a person's feelings of grief or distress, prosperity and the pleasant lifestyle that wealth and fortune affords.

Comfort really is such an interesting word when you stop and think about it, isn't it? It has so many different connotations, all personal to each individual person, but generalised so neatly by one all-encompassing term.

Comfort is a relatively vague concept. It it not uniform in its practicalities.

What I find comfort, or comforting, or comfortable; another person may not.

To me, that is where the difficulty lies.

How do you comfort someone when you no longer know what that is to them?

So, the question I have is : what kind of comfort can you offer someone who is at the risk of losing someone that they cherish so much? Does such comfort even exist?

I don't know where she finds that comfort if it does exist but she does not seem to find it with me. It seems that I no longer know how to comfort her the way that I did before, and she no longer seems to want whatever solace I have to offer.

That thought gives me no comfort at all.

I know that she loves me. I do not doubt that, but it is not comforting to think that my words of consolation, my attempts to support her, to understand what she is going through, are not welcomed. My concern for her, which was once embraced, is now brushed off. My efforts to comfort her now make her feel uncomfortable; and there is a cruel, sad, irony in that.

She is a luxury that you can't buy; rarer than the world's most precious diamond, and more valuable than any material possession I could ever own in my entire life. Other people might measure their wealth in dollars and stock, in the numbers of properties or cars that they own, but I don't. I learned a long time ago that life is not a commodity. You cannot buy time, or health, or love. Those of you that truly appreciate the significance of that will understand what true wealth is.

It is the people in your life that are priceless. They're irreplaceable. They are what make us rich, and she is one of the reasons that I consider myself to be exceptionally wealthy.

Soon she will likely lose a person that is as much of a comfort to her, as she is to me; someone extremely valuable to her, someone who she loves and treasures immensely.

What if the way you used to comfort someone you love, no longer works the way is used to?

What is if never will again?

What do you do then?

I've never written about this before, so it might come as a surprise to you all, but the truth is that I almost hopelessly and irrevocably in love with someone; someone who needs comforting now more than ever. Life is not treating them very kindly, a fact that I resent immensely because if there is anyone that deserves life to be generous to them, then it's her.

I find comfort in a lot of different things; places, music, books. However, for the longest time she has been the biggest comfort to me and no-one will ever understand just how much I've depended on her and that comfort in the past. If we could only ever have one comfort in our life, then she'd be the only one that I'd ever want; that I'd ever need.

She is always the first place that I go to seek it. She still is; and I hope that she always will be.

She is the person I go to when I'm having a bad day; when everything begins to get a little bit overwhelming. She is my refuge, my sanctuary. Every single thing about her is a comfort to me.

Her touch is a comfort; it alleviates all my physical aches and pains without even an ounce of effort. I have always been handled with care by her gentle hands, even when my own thoughtless and impulsive, quick to damage and wound, used to betray me.

Her words are a comfort; she always knows exactly what to say to me, even if at times, that is nothing. Her reassurance, her support, her encouragement, and consolation, is largely responsible for where I am today. I would not be here without it.

She is where I am most comfortable; in her arms, I am content. I have yet find another place where I feel so at ease.

People take comfort from a million things and find it in a million places but despite its lack of uniformity, despite all its different associations, despite how personal and individual a concept it may be, there is still always that one universal idea which provides everyone with comfort; probably more comfort than anything else.

Love.

Love is the greatest comfort there is.

The person I love needs comforting but she will not let me comfort her, and it pains me to see her suffering so much. After all the comfort she had provided me over the years, I am now incapable of comforting her. She will not talk to me. She will not help me comfort her the way that she needs; the way that she deserves to be comforted.

She loves me and I love her, but the greatest thing that I can offer in a time where there may not be any, is my love.

Her love for me has always been my biggest comfort. It is the silver lining in every cloud, the calm after the storm, the spring after every winter.

So, I'm worried

I'm worried because my love no longer seems to be a comfort to her and I don't know what that means for us. I don't fully understand it's implications but I have an ominous feeling that they aren't good.

I'm worried because my love is the only thing of any real value or significance that I have to offer her; I have nothing more to give her than that.

I'm worried because if love really is what people take the greatest comfort from, then mine is not enough for her.

And if my love is not good enough for her now, then I'm worried that it never will be again.

I guess that's our little secret though, because the idea of saying these concerns, these words, out loud to her terrifies me. I cannot risk discovering that my fears are valid, my words true, because then there will be no comfort for either of us. There will only be pain, and grief, and a heartache so excruciating, that it will likely last for as long as my heart does.

And my heart, will last as long as I live..."

• L.M