I'm Not as Think as You Drunk I am

Mum? Tf are you doing in that tree?

sorry for making axel lutz and loop his sisters i honestly couldn't think of who else

also Yurio is Victor's little brother sns it fits in w the story

"Come on now Yuuri," said Yuuko "it's not much to ask that you tidy the kitchen, seeing as you never have any plans. All four of us have places to be."

"Yeah," Said Axel, his stepsister, "the less of a loser you are then the less work you have to do."

All four girls laughed uproariously at this. Yuuri pushed his glasses further up his nose and scowled. "I do have plans. I need to practise tonight."

"Well tough tits" Lutz called from the hallway mirror, where she was reapplying her lip gloss. "Come on mum- we're going to be late! See you later Yuuri!"

He sulked as he dried and put away dishes. Not even music could cheer him up, Brendon Urie may be a beautiful individual with the voice of an angel, but almost every song was about love and partying! "I'm not a loser." He said firmly aloud to himself. "I'd rather stay inside than make a fool of myself by getting fucking schlomped and being an idiot."

But a small part of him was just a little bit jealous. And lonely.

The next morning, Yuuri woke up and went downstairs to see his stepsisters holding their heads and being handed a healthy homemade fruit juice by Yuuko. He went onto the porch to collect the mail and brought in two packages and four letters. He handed the letters to his stepmother and took his package, placing the other one on the kitchen table.

"Holy... hell...." Yuuko whispered.

"What is it, Mum?" Loop asked, peering over her shoulder. "Oh my fucking god!"

"What?" Said both Axel and Lutz, looking up from their phones.

"The king is holding a party for the two princes- I'm actually about to piss myself THIS IS SO COOL!" Loop yelled.

"Not so loud Lou- I've got an awful headache." Axel moaned. Her sister sighed.

"Sorry, but we've got to go shopping! I want to meet a cute chick! And I bet the princes are looking for girlfriends" Loop said, quieter this time and wiggling her eyebrows.

Lutz's eyes widened and she rushed upstairs to get changed and find her purse. Axel groaned again and followed her sister's footsteps slowly and still clutching her head.

"Yuuri, I expect that you'll be staying home," Yuuko said, tearing Yuuri away from his phone.

"Excuse me?"

"I expect you'll be staying home on your laptop or whatever BUT I want you to do the laundry. And dry everything and iron it, then fold it and put it in the correct person's room. I will be with my friends at the bar so don't expect anyone back until late."

"What if I'm going to the party too? Wasn't the invitation for everyone in the household?" Yuuri argued indignantly.

Yuuko laughed. "Yuuri, you hate parties. Anyway, you have nothing respectable to wear for a party with royalty. And you have so many chores to do!"

"I only have so many chores because nobody else ever does anything!"

"How dare you! I work very hard to provide everyone with nice things!"

Yuuri narrowed his eyes and stomped off to his bedroom. He opened his package to see the t-shirt he ordered a few weeks ago, which said 'Say Hey if you're Gay' in rainbow striped letters. "Hey." He said softly.

"Are you talking to yourself?" Lutz didn't wait for a response. "You absolute weirdo. Anyway, I need- no never mind, it's here." She picked something up off his desk and walked out again.

His stepsisters returned from shopping two hours later, carrying six bags each. Yuuri was still on his computer and wearing his new t-shirt with a pair of black boxers- he'd been halfway through getting dressed when he saw a particularly good dog video that he had to reblog.

The three were all around various mirrors, holding hair curlers and various makeup products.

Another two hours later, the four hurried into the car and Yuuri was left alone. He'd started on the laundry, but again his music was failing to make him smile.

He went outside to the cherry blossom tree, which had been planted along with his mother's ashes. She'd died when he was young, but he had one memory of her reading Winnie the Pooh to him. Whenever Yuuri felt sad, he normally ended up sitting under the beautiful flowers.

"God, I just wish I could go to the party. But even if I did go then my anxiety would stop me from having a good time."

He looked up at the tree and thought about all the fairy tales he'd read. He looked around cautiously and kneeled down.

"Um... mum?"

There was no reply.

"This is fucking stupid- it's a tree and this is real life who am I-" He muttered, getting off his knees.

"Yuuri." Came his mother's voice.

"Mum? What the fuck are you doing in that tree- I was joking? Am I dreaming? Yes obviously- trees can't talk"

"Oh Yuuri, you know I hate it when you swear." His mum said in a patronising tone. He looked up at the tree and saw a face in the bark.

"Holy fu- sorry Mum." He apologised.

"Look behind you." She instructed.

He did and saw a small table with seven shot glasses. He turned back around with a questioning look.

"Go have a good time. But make sure that you eat something, believe me, don't fill your stomach with alcohol."

"...Thanks?"

He knelt down beside the table and seven shots later stumbled into the house. The mystery alcohol was already fogging up his brain and he groggily looked for his shoes.

Yuuri pulled on a pair of black Uggs (which definitely didn't belong to him) and left for the castle.

An Uber was already waiting at the door somehow (Yuuri could only assume that his tree-mum had arranged it) and the woman driving looked at his outfit questioningly. He climbed in confidently.

"The cassle please" He slurred and slumped down in the seat.

i only post fics normally on ao3 but idk wtf is going on with that so here i am i prolly wont post this one regularly on here so remind me if u like it and want more?

i guess?

bye