The Black Goat's Egg

Chapter 2

Brushing the ashes that had landed on me off, I gently lifted myself up.  I wiped my tear stained face with part of my burned sleeve.  I watched as ashes swirled around me, almost dancing in the fire.  They were inviting, calling out for me to touch them.  I could feel the flames calling, wanting to embrace me, and the longing for this warm death was comforting, and almost overpowered me.  But I willed on. 

My last meaningful thing was gone, and stolen from me.  I was nothing.  I have nothing left, nothing to gain, nothing to lose.  I am the lowest form of being right now.  Yet at the same time, I have the most power over anyone.  I'm filled with rage, disgust and fear.  I am truly the definition of unstoppable, and soon, everybody will know, ghoul or human.  A storm is brewing, and I am right at the eye.

Another small droplet of water slowly made its way out of my ghoul eye.  It stung.  It was an unbearable feeling that hurt worse than pain, it hurt worse than torture, and I'd rather be back to the time in the dark room, tied down in the chair, feeling like an incompetent being, rather than here.  I could stand pain, but not this. 

I reached down, reaching out my blood stained fingers and ruffled his auburn hair.  The light from the flames reflected onto his hair, making it glow, bringing life back to his lost body.  I leaned closer and placed my lips to his forehead,  I let the emotions I'd held onto for all these years out. 

This was one of the few times I'd cry.  I didn't want Hide to know how weak I was.  That's why I always trained so hard, that's why I accepted being a ghoul, that's why I left Anteiku and became the famous "one eyed ghoul".  I did all these meaningless things for one purpose, so that Hide wouldn't know what a coward I was.  There was no escaping my fate.  I had to atone for my sins, I had to atone for being a ghoul.

I picked him up, his body sagging in my arms.  This feeling just brought me even farther into reality, realizing he was gone.  I used all the courage I had to carry him out of the place I loved so dear, out of the place were I was accepted, leaving Kaneki behind.  Splish, splish.  My footsteps were loud in the silent night, the air was much colder out in the snow.  And the farther I walked, the more memories came flooding into me. 

They were memories  of my childhood.   Memories I tried to erase.  Memories of him.  My heart couldn't bare much more, I should have left him behind.  I couldn't, I still wasn't able to part with him yet, even though I knew there was no going back.  I wanted to show them, I wanted everyone to know what their arrogance caused.

As I walked through the bloodied battlefield, I could see the war that had raged out.  There were many casualties, both of ghoul and human origin.  Is this what our world has come to?  Have we become a worthless civilization of death and war.  This shouldn't have happened.  My face was pale and emotionless as I walked to the one place my instincts were screaming not to go. 

I could see many members of the CCG fallen, many injured and many grieving over those lost.  Many of them turning their heads to me as I walked past, their eyes filled with the same grief and hatred that mine were taken by.  Why?  Are we really that different?  What separates us from them.  What makes us hated, feared and hunted?  These questions wouldn't leave as I entered the space that was awaiting my presence.

I could see his white hair, white as the ground filled of snow, and blowing swiftly from the wind of the helicopters surrounding us.  It was loud.  It was too loud.  I wanted to be back inside the warm comfort of the coffee shop that seemingly raised my reborn ghoul self.  I wanted to be accepted, and cared for, just like I was as a human.  I wanted to fit in.  I took a deep breath and let the thoughts leave my head.  There would be no return, there was no going back.  It ended here.