The Echoes Of Autumn | Minseok

Chapter One

22/01/2017 – The Present Day

A/N: Listen to the song above Leona Lewis Yesterday... Sorry if the audio isn't amazing but it was the best one I was able to find

2 Years, 24 Months, 730 Days, 17520 Hours, 1051200 Minutes and 63072000 Seconds.

I repeated in my head for the fourth time today. I sat huddled up with photographs scattered on the floor in the exact same spot when I found out she had died

She had died.

She had died.

2 Years, 24 Months, 730 Days, 17520 Hours, 1051200 Minutes and 63072000 Seconds. I repeated again.

I didn't know we had such little time left together. I didn't know that day was the last day I was ever going to see your coffee coloured eyes. I didn't know it was the last day I was going to able to kiss you.

If only I knew,

If only I knew.

2 Years, 24 Months, 730 Days, 17520 Hours, 1051200 Minutes and 63072000 Seconds.

Here I am another year has passed and I sit in the exact same spot, the exact same position with tears staining my cheeks.

Why can I not let you go? Why can I not move on?

Is it because you died so suddenly?

Is it because it still remained a mystery to how you died?

There are days where I still stare at the door. I still grasp desperately onto the last strings of hope I have. I crave to see you walk through that door and wake me up from this re-occurring nightmare.

A nightmare that has lasted 2 years.

Each moment I wait feels like an eternity. Each moment is as slow and as transparent as glass. Through each moment I see infinite moments line up, waiting.

Why has she gone where I can not follow?

I just want to see that beautiful smile one last time.

2 Years, 24 Months, 730 Days, 17520 Hours, 1051200 Minutes and 63072000 Seconds.

But there are days where I'm angry. There are days where I smash plates, glasses and throw punches at the wall. During those moments all I can visualise is your small, frail and pale body lying motionless on the stretcher. I remember touching your cheek that always used to have that slight warmth and a tint of blush in them but it was cold.

So cold.

It was my job to keep you safe. But I couldn't even do that.

2 Years, 24 Months, 730 Days, 17520 Hours, 1051200 Minutes and 63072000 Seconds. I repeat once again to prevent myself from exploding with anger. Not today. I can't.

I guess that's the weird thing about grief.. It's like an ocean that comes in waves. Sometimes the water can be calm but sometimes it can be overwhelming.

I sigh and pull my stare away from the door and towards the window where people flock the streets, walking happily. Autumn has arrived. The leaves on the trees are starting to fade and turn an orange and red tint. The leaves flutter and hold onto the branch for dear life before the wind comes and sweeps them away leaving them to fall onto the ground.

I smile sadly to myself.

Autumn was always your favourite season. You were always so fascinated with autumn leaves. You were mesmerized by how they could change colours in autumn how they continued to get even more stunning as the season passed.

I never understood it.

You would always say to me:

'Anyone who thinks fallen leaves are dead, have never seen them dance on a windy day.'

I wish I had taken the chance to understand, to sit with you and hear you ramble on about how beautiful the leaves were.

To me you were an autumn leaf. Your hair was maroon and just like the autumn leaves and in my eyes your beauty continued to evolve each day and you captivated me.

But just like autumn leaves you died...

You tried to hold onto the branch for dear life but the wind had already decided to sweep you away.

Now autumn is a season that brings so many timeless memories back. Memories that hit me like pins causing me more pain, more anger and more grief.

2 Years, 24 Months, 730 Days, 17520 Hours, 1051200 Minutes and 63072000 Seconds ago was the day you took your last breath and I never had the chance to say I love you one last time.

I felt the tears prick my cheeks which landed on the photograph I held inside my hands.

The last photograph I took of her.

We had so much planned.

I looked across on the floor to the timeline of photographs I had created. This timeline of our memories is never packed away. I look at it every day, look at the last photograph I took of her every day.

Because I'm scared.

I'm scared that the memory of her will fade and once it has gone I won't be able to get it back. So I won't let time take away yesterday or the years, months, days, hours and seconds I had with her.

Death may leave a heartache that no one can heal.

But love,

That leaves memories no one can steal.

2 Years, 24 Months, 730 Days, 17520 Hours, 1051200 Minutes and 63072000 Seconds.

Every year, every month, every day of my life has been marked by her absence.

Every action has lacked dimension because she is not there to measure against.

I stared at the picture in my hands and tried so hard not to cry but I couldn't do it. After two years I couldn't move on. I didn't know how she died or why she died..

I didn't protect her like I said I would.

So I released my tears and buried my head into my knees.

'Why is love intensified by absence?..'

A/N: Hi my little Cinnamon Rolls!!! So the first chapter of The Echoes Of Autumn is out!!! *Throws confetti* I know it seems really emo and angsty right now but it won't be all the way through don't worry... I'm not going to let you all cry bucket loads of tears with each chapter... But I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and please if there anything I can improve on let me know!

Until the next chapter cinnamon rolls!