The Boy Who Couldn't Hold His Breath Underwater ✔

How Could She?

Next morning I woke up tired.

When I had got back to the cabin I had told my friends what had happened at the beach and told them that I didn't want to talk about it. I knew there was something that they wanted to say to me but I didn't want to hear it and they understood that so we all just ignored it, went to watch the movie, ate supper and then went to our beds.

My friends fell asleep annoyingly fast while I stayed awake, wallowing in self-pity. I knew I shouldn't wallow in self-pity but I couldn't help it. I had made the decision to end things with Even, to end our... whatever it was that we were having.

Things had moved on too fast. And I had got attached way too fast and it scared me.

"Isak, are you awake?"

I rolled on my back and looked at Jonas. "Unfortunately."

Jonas, Mahdi, Magnus and Eskild got up, looking well rested and wide awake. None of them looked sleepy or even slightly bothered by the fact that we had to get up and start our eleventh day on the camp.

But I on the other hand were sleepy, grumpy and not at all excited to get out of the bed. I listened how they talked happily with each other, planned excitedly what to do today and I couldn't bring myself to join the conversation or get even the slightest bit excited.

"We should get going", Eskild said. "We are going to be late from the breakfast."

I didn't want to go but as I realised that I had no other choice, I got out of the bed and pulled my clothes on.

"Stop frowning", Jonas said. "You'll get wrinkles."

"Fuck you", I said.

"Come on, Isak", Magnus sighed. "Cheer up."

"Yeah", Mahdi echoed. "Fuck Even, don't let him bring you down."

I wanted to say that it was too late for that but I decided it was better to just keep my mouth shut.

"They are right", Eskild said, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. "Don't let it ruin your summer camp, you only have this once in a year. Let's go have some fun."

I sighed. They were right. I needed to pull myself together and push Even out of my mind. It was over, anyway. Over before it even started.

We walked to the dining room and as we headed towards our table I noticed people staring and glancing at me, then whispering to each other. Everyone's eyes were on me when I got up to fetch my food and I felt very uncomfortable. Why was everyone staring and whispering? I had to check that I had clothes on. What was going on?

"Guys", I whispered, "I think I'm gonna go."

"What?"

"I don't feel comfortable, I have no idea what is going on with everybody", I said and got up. "Catch up with you later."

I put my dishes away and started walking out.

That's when I heard someone mentioning my name and Even's. I stiffed and looked behind, seeing Even staring at me worriedly.

They know, I realised.

Every one of them knows.

I spun around and ran out of the dining room, feeling the panic taking over me. What was I supposed to do now? Everybody knows about me and Even. My heart started beating harder and I couldn't breathe normally. I started to get scared I'd get a panic attack.

Once I was outside I stopped and leaned my hands against my knees, trying to breathe.

"Isak!"