The Boy Who Couldn't Hold His Breath Underwater ✔

I'm Sorry, Jonas

Next morning I woke up before Eskild's alarm went off. I checked the time from my phone and realised I still had half an hour time to sleep, but the problem was that I didn't feel tired anymore. There was just way too much going on in my poor head. I didn't want to think about the conversation I had with Even in the bathroom because it just made me sad. What I did think about was Jonas.

The more I thought about our situation, the more I realised what kind of asshole I had been. I had been a horrible friend. I needed to fix things with Jonas. I needed to talk to him about Even and our situation because otherwise I would go completely mad. I needed to open up to someone. And that someone needed to be my best friend.

I lied in my bed wide awake until Eskild's alarm went off. I sat up and watched how everyone else slowly woke up. Eskild stared at me suspiciously.

"Why are you already up?"

"No reason", I said. "Just woke up and... thought about things."

"Like?"

"Just things", I said, shrugging.

Eskild looked suspicious. "Alright then."

We got dressed and headed to the Great Hall. I avoided, like I had been doing almost every day, looking at Even. I didn't want to know what his facial expression would be if I looked at him. Would he look sad? I thought I wouldn't be able to handle that.

Why did I have to like him this much? I had known him only a week, for God's sake.

When we were leaving the dining room I grabbed Jonas's arm, stopping him. Mahdi, Magnus and Eskild ignored us and kept going.

"Jonas", I said. "Come hiking with me, we need to talk."

"I thought we already did."

"Please", I said. He sighed and nodded and we went outside, heading towards the woods to the familiar path. We walked in silence for a while until I decided I had to open my mouth sooner or later and the sooner I would do it, the better.

"I don't know where to start", I confessed.

"You wanted to talk, so you better start talking", Jonas replied.

I took a deep breath. "Okay, first of all I wanted to say that I am so sorry for everything."

"Okay. Apology accepted."

"Thank you." I wiggled my fingers and didn't look at Jonas. "Second of all... You know how I have been acting weird lately."

He raised an eyebrow at me. "You think?"

"It's because of that my so called secret crush", I said. "Remember when I told you I would tell you when I'm ready?"

He nodded. "And are you ready?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. But I will literally go crazy if I don't tell someone about... this."

"And what is 'this' exactly?"

"That crush of mine... We kind of... had a thing but... I don't know. It's complicated."

Jonas stopped me and motioned me to come sit on a rock with him. I did and we sat in silence for a while.

"So your crush... It's not Emma, right?" Jonas asked.

I shook my head and took a deep breath. It was now or never. "It's... it's not a girl."

Saying it out loud felt good. I felt relieved. Like there was a weight lifted off of my shoulders. Jonas expression didn't change but he did seem like he was thinking very hard. I waited nervously what he would say.