The Donut Shop

Segunda - Second: Kato

2:35am, Friday

I can't sleep. Have you ever felt that hollow feeling inside of you? When you feel too much pain, you end up feeling numb? And then you just feel empty inside? 

I can't sleep. I wish I could but I can't. All those fresh memories keeps rushing in, and all I can do is lay here. Thinking of her and how painful it is. Everyday, I wake up with a purpose, with her voice telling me to wake up. Now that she's gone, I just... It's like when she left, she didn't just break me physically, she broke me emotionally. Like a hole was punched in my heart. 

I can't sleep. Am I that weak? Does it make a man weak when he can't barely stop his tears from falling? Does it make a man weak if he just cry for the whole day? Does it make a man weak when all he listens to is the song "It Must Have Been Love" by Roxette over and over again? Maybe. Yes. I don't know. 

I moved my head a little bit to the left and I smelled something from the pillow. And I just cried. Her perfume is too strong. Its been already a week and the aroma is still here. I grabbed the pillow and throw it as far as possible. But my hotel room is too small that I don't know if "far" is the right term to use.  Now I don't have a pillow here. So I slowly push myself to crawl out from my bed, dragging my body like it weighs more than I could remember, even though I haven't been eating lately. I am finally nearing my pillow and grabbed it, then I crawled my way again back to my bed. I pulled the pillow near my nose and there it is. That beautiful bittersweet smell. And I hugged it. I hugged it so tight that I feel my body shaking and my tears starts pouring so fast again. 

Why? Why does it have to be her? Its all my fault right? Its my fault because she's the one who told me that she can't take it anymore. That Tuesday morning when I woke up, excited for the day to start, I was preparing breakfast. Then she stands there, wearing my shirt I used the other night. Hanging lose and too big for her yet, she had manage to still look stunning and glowing despite her messy hair. She walked slowly towards me and she said,"Kato, I.. I can't... I can't take it anymore. I'm just... tired of... tired of pretending that I still love you." 

Is it because I Love Star Wars more than Lord of The Rings? Or is it because I like to eat rice with ketchup for breakfast? Maybe she left me because I forgot that she likes to drink apple juice and I gave her water? 

Okay. Enough. Its been one week that I'm crying and crying. And its been one week that I'm eating rice with ketchup. I will try to move on okay, but its not easy. Let me at least cook myself a new meal. 

I dragged myself outside my room and went to the kitchen. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

3:50am, Friday

Ahhhhhhhh! Die! Die you evil creature! The cockroach is now dead as I lifted my left slipper. Roaches, it really gets on my nerves. I open the faucet and felt the cool water on my hands. I stare at the unwashed dishes next to me, and I remembered her again. This is going to be really hard. I finished washing my hands then I went to the refrigerator. I heated the frying pan then I put oil and put the big slice of pork that was seasoned with salt and pepper. I fetched a plate, rice and then I wait. Flipped the meat then wait again. I went to get a glass of water and placed it on the table then went to turn off the stove. I sat and ate. Wow. It's like I'm eating real food again. I need to do this often.

*Ring! Ring! Ring!* 

My phone! I thought I turned it Airplane mode! I rushed into my room and looked under the sheets. Its not here. I looked under the bed, its not here. I openned the drawer beside my bed, its not here! Dammit! Where is it!? I breathe for 8 seconds and checked my backpack. Finally! 

"Hello?" I answered.

"Kato?  Where are you?! Me and your father are worried!"

I check my phone, and Jesus Christ! Mama, 68 missed calls! I should have not silenced my phone. I totally forgot about Mom. I hate it when she worries.

"Mom, I'm okay, really. Don't worry about me, I'm already 23. I can take care of myself."

"Kato! Please! Just tell me where are you?!"

"Chill. Okay, okay. I'm in Zamboanga City Mom and I just forgot that my phone was in silent mode." 

"What?! What are you doing there?! I know there's something up. Son, tell me, are you doing okay there?"

"It's a long story Mom, I promise I'll tell you when I'm ready. I just need more time. Just don't worry about me too much okay. I'll be fine."

"Oh alright, just remember that I'll always be here for you, and I'll support you no matter what. Do you still have money there?"

Oh shit! I forgot, I only have 2,500 pesos left at my ATM card! If I wont deposit money, my ATM will expire! I have to do something.

"Uhmm, I think I have enough Mom. I'll just do something about it."

"Okay, just to be sure, I already deposited 20,000 pesos at you're account. Just, please, please be careful there okay? I love you very much, son."

"Wow mom, thank you so much! You're really the best. Uhhmm... Love you too. Bye."

Then I ended the call. *sigh* I'm really sorry Mom. I wish I could tell you how much I love you. I just have to deal with this damn feelings first. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

1:15pm, Friday

"Thank you sir, have a nice day!" Said the teller working in BDO. Now, I have 20,000 in my bank, I'm alone in a city that I'm not familiar with and I have to sort out my feelings. Of all places, why did I came here? I could go to New York or to England! But.. Yeah. I don't have money.

How is she right now? I miss her so much. Kato, enough! I thought you're going to try to move on? Stop thinking of her!

Oh! I remember something! I have to go back to the hotel. I went to fetch a ride then came back to the hotel. 

I'm in my hotel room and I just charged my laptop. I asked the wifi password to that woman downstairs and now I'm researching. I asked Google 'How to move on from a breakup with your girlfriend for 5 years?' I've already read 10 articles and it just doesn't make sense. It just made me more sad and depressed. Let me try searching, 'How to start over with life?'

Woah. So many deep advice's. So deep that I see Adele rolling. There's this one advice here that says, 'Whatever happens, write everything down. On a journal or a paper or anything that can make your thoughts into words.' I like that. 

So I tried typing my thoughts in my laptop and it doesn't work. Let me try writing on a paper. I stood up from my bed and went to my backpack. I open it and I forgot that I don't bring paper or even a notebook in my bag. I also don't have a pen! How am I going to do this? I'm too lazy to go out. *sigh* Oh well, I'll just go and buy a notebook and a pen. 

~~~~~~~~~~

3:00pm, Friday

Now that I have a pen and a notebook, let me try writing. I walked outside National Book Store and look around the street. *sniff sniff* What is that smell? *sniff sniff* It smells so good! I hear my tummy starting to rumble. Oh no. I forgot to take my lunch, and I took breakfast too early. But what is that smell? 

I walk a meter or two and there! I read the sign board, "The Donut Shop."

I went in and saw the classic white floor tiles and the metal stools with the tall counters that's almost the same with a bar and the checkered red table clothes in the corners. I can't sit on the stools, too exposed. *sniff sniff sniff* Amazing! Let me order first. I walk towards the counter but there's no cashier. That's odd. Oh! They have waitresses that take orders. Neat! I went to the very corner of the shop so I can have my peace. I grab my back pocket and... My wallet! MY WALLET! Oh, wait. I didn't bring it. I forgot that when I went to NBS, I just brought enough money. Oh well, might as well sit down and try to write. I hope the waitresses wont bother me. 

1 hour later.... 

"Good Afternoon sir! Have you already chosen a donut meal?" A tall, thin, fair skinned, black haired woman approached me. Shit. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you for reading friends! I still hope that you'd like my story. The ending is near guys. Hope you'd like it! Please support me and just keep reading! I will update soon! xoxo