The Balance Between Both Worlds (BoyxBoy)

Diary Entry

12_6_2033
    Today my depression hit me hard. I felt like I couldn't breath, like the whole world was against me. I...  Almost ended it all. But I was saved by the school bell. I was going to jump. Or do something worse. But the bell rang and helped me get out of my depressed state. At least for a little while.

But now I feel bad. I saw 2 of my soulmates but, I ignored them. I'll have to explain to the four of them tommorow why I was acting so strangely. Well, that's going to be excitin-

Right before I could finish writing my sentence, I heard the down stairs door slam open. That means my mom had a bad day at work. I braced myself for the yelling as I hesitantly slipped my journal under my pillow, along with a old picture of me and my dad. I stood up and walked towards my door. I reached for the door but hesitated slightly as my fingers brushed the handle slightly. I took a deep breath in attempt to calm my beating heart that seemed to desperately want out of my rib cage.

I opened my door and quietly walked down the stairs to see my mom hunched over the couch with her arms crossed, and a murderous smile on her face as her eyes betrayed a slight emotion that disappeared as quickly as it appeared before she stood up.

"Why did you brake us? Why did you kill your father and then try to mend us together like your glue. No, your just the hammer that shattered our perfect family. WE COULD BE HAPPY!" She had her outburst as I flinched when she started talking. I could feel my eyes water as I looked my mom in the eyes and suddenly felt a new burst of confidence.

"No, it's not my fault! I tried to get us to safety! But the truck made a sharp turn and ran right into us. I didn't know that the car would flip over! Why do you keep blaming me! Do you have any idea how depressed I am?!? How many times thoughts on how to kill myself have ran through my mind?!? I have thought more about dying then I have graduating high school!" I looked up at my mom with tears running down my face. I saw a hint of sympathy appear in my mother's eyes before she quickly masked it with hatred.

"... I wish it was you..." I heard her mumble those words before I felt a stinging sensation on my right cheek. She had slapped me. I stood there, my mouth opening and closing like a fish on land.

"Now go to your room, I don't want you to come down for dinner. And stay out of my sight. Mutt." My mom muttered those words with so much hatred that it had me feeling numb. That broke me. That really fucking broke me. I could feel my heart beat in my chest and I could hear my short and staggered breaths. My tears dried quickly as my face felt void with emotion.

I nodded before I sprinted up the stairs and ran to my room. I almost ran into my sister who flashed me an apologetic and questioned look. I shook my head at her before I sprinted into the safety of my room.

The moment I knew I was safe in the warmth of my bedroom, I slammed the door and locked it quickly. I then
rested my back against the door. I looked up at my ceiling expecting to find all of the answers to my problems. Of course, it didn't. I sighed before sliding down and sitting on the fluffy white carpet of my bedroom floor. I pulled my knees up to my chest before resting my chin on top of them. I let my eyes bore into the carpet of my bedroom floor before I felt my eyes well up with tears. I gripped onto the fabric of my jeans as I let out all of my pain and anger. I began to sob so hard I found it hard to breath as I brought a hand up to my mouth in order to quite my sobs.

I don't know how long I was crying, but before I knew it. I was sound asleep on the floor. And for the first time in a long time, I dreamt of a clear ocean view, far, far, and farther away from trouble than I could ever be.

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I woke up to the sound of my alarm blaring on the other side of the room. I hesitantly began sitting up. I stretched slightly before I began to  take in my surroundings. As soon as I  realized that I was on my bedroom floor,  I began standing up. When I finally picked myself off of the floor, I  began to wobble slightly as I rested my hand against the wall to help me find my balance. As I looked around my room again, my eyesight became blurry before I closed my eyes for a minute.