90 days to love (COMPLETED)

90 days to love - Chapter 15

How did I get from that to…this?

How could I have been so euphoric? Where has it all gone?

My soul has submerged into the very darkest of places; I don’t think it will ever return the light. This could be hell for all I know, it makes sense. My emotions have been deadened with such feats of sadness, betrayal and anger.

I’m numb.

My broken room has been my retreat. Its white walls are stained with blood but it’s not mine. That could have been an alternative route for me but in yesterday’s society, we were taught that to cut was to sin. I do not have the energy to rebel.

Smashed vases and antediluvian petals have fallen to the mercy of the iron fists I once thought of as my home. The damage in here was not as noticeable as before; I had something else to focus upon.

The ice white covers of my bed remain untouched yet they are the same shade as my blanched skin. The only colours on my lifeless body are the indigo veins that protrude through and my new black tattoo. It’s a tiny ‘J’ on the back of my neck. After a Caritas’s first heartbreak, a tattoo forms with the Heartbreaker’s initial. Now I understand why my mother was talking about it last week; I didn’t even pick up on it at the time. So much for me being the perceptive one out of mother and I. They all knew what was going on.

The banging on the door has finally concluded after 9 longs hours of screams, begs and cries. It probably continued for longer but 9 hours ago was the time that I put in the music beads.

I hastily stuff a few of the clothes from my closet into a white backpack. My white clothes make me appear as one of the Leto; camouflage. I slip on some soft leather boots. They will not make a sound as I creep away. The exertion of my limbs causes them to ache, I haven’t moved for the past 9 hours. Unfurling from my ball was a stiff and painful process but I had eventually made up my mind.

I don’t want to cry anymore, I have cried so much. So instead I’m going to run from all of it. I’ll sneak away and it will be like I was never here. I hope.

I cautiously pinch my scripted note between my fore fingers. It’s not long but it’s the best I can manage. I started over 17 times, crossing out and leaving ink splotches all over the parchment. I could’ve made the control pad type it out but somehow I felt that would be cruel of me. My inky words are personal and official. They deliver the expected verdict.

I can’t do this. Don’t follow me. I’m sorry.

 

Lara

 

He needs to understand. He wasn’t honest with me; the one thing he swore he’s always would be. The truth’s ugly face irrevocably exposed its deceitful nature last night, warts and all. How could I have been so stupid?

My mother left the Leto palace 5 days ago after being ordered back to Externium ship 13; a ship specifically for the Caritas. Cleansing is due to launch in the next few days. My mother as well as the rest of the Caritas species has achieved a reprieve. They cannot possibly make a Caritas more ethically purified. We are safe from that at least.