The Infatuation Phase.

The Harbor.

I walked along a sidewalk with him at my side. We were honest and we trusted each other with every single detail of our life. We were inseparable, yet no one knew. It was our small little relationship that wasn't something big, but it meant so much to me. Being infatuated with him was a different story. 

His every move, his every detail made me crave him more. His bold green eyes would stare into the depths of me, and I would freeze. With every word he would say, he would captivate my attention. Whenever a smile would slip upon his face, I would melt. Everything this boy had done and said, it would kill me softly.

Every physical characteristic was flawless. His face was framed perfectly by his brown, wavy hair. His jawline was incredibly strong. His broad shoulders would wrap around me once in a while, and I cherished every minute of it.  His back, his muscles, his entire chest was defined. When he would tense up, every part of him was just beautiful. 

Nothing could compare to when it was just him and I. There were no judgments, only laughter. There was no pressure, just absolute paradise. Embarrassment didn't exist with him, it was our moment and we both lived in it. Each minute, each breath, each time frame we had spent together, I cherished it because it may have been our last. 

There was always a because. Because we were around his friends, he was never himself. Because I was me, he barely had known me. I was merely just another person who existed. He saw me as a nobody. I was and meant nothing to him around his friends. I was just another girl that roamed the school hallways, I was just another person to him. He would not acknowledge my existence, nor say my name. It was if I were a disease; I wasn't wanted, I wasn't important. I was just something that would go away. 

Every look he had given me when he wouldn't be by my side, every face he had made when I wasn't with him had confused me. He was quiet and shy, and I understood. At each guy that would encounter me, he would look at me and I wouldn't know what to do. 

My eyes would look at his searching for something, anything but there was nothing. He looked at me, and that was it. There was no explanation, and it gave me hell. I say so much to him, and I would tell the truth. But I could hardly breathe.

His eyes would bore into mine, and I wouldn't be able to speak. He did this to me, and there was nothing I could do about it. I could spill every emotion I had for him, but everything would change. He would barely talk to me, and everything would be lost.

We were near the harbor, admiring the vast beauty of the darkness and the stars that lit up the night sky. The boats lit up the pier, and everything was radiant. The moon had set everything into the most divine way, it was almost if I was dreaming. In the background, Frank Sinatra records were softly singing. 

His arms managed to slip underneath mine, and I had leaned against him. It was breathtaking to be able to be like this with him, yet so hard. I couldn't bare to experience feelings for him, because it was impossible to ever think of him in that way. So I pushed him away. 

"What'd you do that for?" He asked, sadly. 

"I'm tired." I said a little too sternly. 

"We just got here" He said, a smirk playfully playing on his lips. 

"What I mean to say is, we need to keep our distance," Lying to myself yet once again. 

"But why?" He asked, stepping forward.

"Everytime you glance at me, look at me, or hold me like this, I- " I freeze up and look him in the eyes. There's absolutley nothing. The tears that threaten to fall start to brim my eyes. 

"I can't stand it. You make me weak and I don't need to be weak! You make me feel weak! You keep pushing yourself towards me, but whenever your so called friends are around, you push me away like I was nothing! I can no longer feel as if you like me for who I am, but I am only a disease! A disease that will just go away because I'm not needed nor wanted." 

"But that's not-" He says, but I cut him off.

"Don't you dare tell me its not true. It is! You can't say a single thing to me when you're around your friends! I don't mean anything to you! And everytime I'm alone with you, or even get the slightest chance that I think you might actually like me, you throw me off again by just not acknowleding me at all! Do you know how empty I feel when you give me so much to hope for? Of course you don't! I mean nothing to you!" 

"You mean everything to me." He says, grabbing my hand. I shake it off, trying to push myself from these feelings that threaten to surface. 

"Then why is it everytime I try to look at you, or everytime someone gives me the attention you are doing right now, you do nothing but stare." 

He doesn't respond, so I continue on. 

"I dont want to keep going on having you look at me like that, and not knowing what it means. I get lost and confused, and there's nothing I can do about it!" 

"What are you trying to say?" He says. 

"I like you. I like you a lot, and it pains me to say it because I can't risk losing everything between us." I looked at him one last time and turned around. There was nothing else to say. I had lost him. 

He ran up to me, took my hand and pulled me to his chest. He took his finger and put it beneath my chin so that I was forced to look up to him. The tears were already starting to fall, when he had said. 

"But I like you too."