What Matters

Part 1

Driving on a long and boring road, at 9 in the morning , I've seen maybe four birds if that. This morning was quiet, not many cars. We road on what seemed like was a mountainous hill. Our mom had told us to go on a road trip before college. My brother Charley and I had been on the road about 4 hours with nothing much to talk about. Which was ok because it gave me time to think. Our family is Christian. Christianity is not necessarily something that Charley likes to talk about. He has more of a 'don't know, don't care' attitude, and wants everyone to know it.
It was night now. Up on a hill I spotted a deer. His eyes shined with white as our car passed. "So wheres the next hotel? It's getting dark." Charley said as his eyes glanced at me. I pulled out the map hidden underneith my seat I couldn't find it. I unbuckled my seatbelt in order to reach further under the seat. I wasn't paying attention and I felt a jurk in the car.
"DEER!!" Shouted Charley. I lifted my head and all I saw was us flying off the road. Turning left, we swurved and off the cliff we went.
Everything was quiet. The only thing i could hear was the pounding of my heart beat. I saw Charley jurk in his seat front wards and backwards. Suddenly the loud pounding of my heart was not the only sound, but a ringing noise, louder than Charley's screams.
I looked through the front window and all I saw was a white flash. Then everything got dark. I must have blacked out. The next thing I knew I was in a white and sky blue room. Everything hurts. More so my head. Suddenly my mother drenched in tears was passed out on my arm in the bed I was laying in.
I looked around the room. I was in the hospital. A head rose at the corner of my eyes, that were half closed.
  "Sweet girl, my baby! How are you feeling?" Said the voice of my mom.
  "Mom?" I asked.
  "Yes rain, yes baby its mama."
  "Where am I?"
  "You're in Providence Hospital, hun, you're going to be okay."
  "Where's Charley?"
She paused, I looked at her with sharp eyes. "Mom, where's my brother!?"
  "He uhh, left." She said as she began to tear up.
  "Mom? What happened?" I began to get out of bed, but there were needles stuck in my arm that I took a hold of and wripped out. It hurt but i needed to know where Charley was. Stepping on to the cold floor, I was weak at first but when i gained my strength I mademy way to the door. I could hear my mom trying to mother me about laying back in bed, saying that I needed the rest, but I didn't care. The nurse at the desk was typing away when she heard my mom's yelling. She stood up and said for me to getback into my roomso she could fix my pick lines.
  "No! I need to know where my brother Charley is!"
  "I'm sorry but I can't give you what you want, until you get back in your room!" The nurse said.
Once I finally became cooperative, I was found back in my bed with needles in different places of my arms.
The nurse then asked, "now what can I get you?"
  "I want to know where my brother Charley Renolds room is. So that I can see if he is okay." I sounded desparate when I said,   "please!"
  "Let me check my compute, and we'll see." She said walking out of my room.
My mom was out getting coffee, because she's been up since the police called about our crash, she was telling me while the nurse pricked and protted at me. I saw the doctor talking to mom as she walked back to my room, just before they closed my door I heard Charley's name from the doctor's voice.
I sighed, I couldn't take another moment not knowing what happened to Charley. Mom opened the door and the doctor stepped in after mom.
  "Rain, my name is dr. Pearsen, I am your brother's and your doctor, your mom and I have somethings to say to you."
  "You know where Charley's room is!"
  "Yes, I do...bu"
  "I don't care about whatever you're about to say takeme to Charley, right now!"
Mom was about to say something when the doctor whispered something in her ear.
  "Okay Rain, we will take you to see your brother, but I have to warn you..."
  "I don't care! Take me now!"
  "Let me get the nurse to fix you up and get you ready. Can you wait here so I can do that?"
  "Yes.." I sighed.
Minutes later, the nurse undid the needles in my arm and began preping my wheelchair. I refused the wheelchair.
  "I can walk!" I snapped.
  We made it to the hallway. We passed the hospital rooms and went directly for the two doors that said morge. I feltmy heart drop, I had stopped in the middle of the hall. Trying to remember the crash. I had seen him still alive! Or maybe I thought I did? I had a flashback of the crash just as they were putting me in the truck, I saw Charley talking to one of the officers. I told the doctor  and my mom as soon as i saw it.
"You werw having a near dealth experience, you could've seen anyone standing there talkin.."
  "No!" I screamed. "Nooo!! I  know what I saw and it was Charley!"
  "Your mind plays tricks on you." Said the doctor, tryi g to calm me and make me feel the reality that Charley was dead.
I just shook my head, and fell to my knees. I began tearing. My mom got down with me and began crying. "No! Stop it, I don't need this!" I stopped my tearing and stood up. "I want to on leave!" I shook my head and turned away from my mother who was still on the ground. I began walking back to my room to shower and get dressed. As I walked away I heard the doctor tell my mom it was goingto be okay. He asked her for her hand to help her up off the ground. I made my way to my belongings on the table, that i could only guess mom put them there. I took a long shower and got dressed. My mom checked me out. We made our way to the cyan blue van parked outside the hospital.
   As we got in I felt a sence of loneliness.  It was cold, the loneliness, and empty. My mom moments later got situated in the car.  We began to drive. Every ten minutes mom was asking ke if I was okay. "Yes, I am fine!" I would tell her. As we drove I felt a certain n sickness in my stomach, as I began to relive the crash in my mind. The quiet and the ringing in my ears. I drifted off into the world where the crash was still happening and Charley was still alive.
"Rain!" I heard him say. Over and over, until I came to reality to find it was mom who was saying my name, not Charley.
"What!?" I hissed.
"You commin'?" She asked. I looked out the window we were at the gas station.
I looked at her with a discusted look, and said no.
I began to feel like the world was against me like God was against me. That God hurt Charley instead of me. He was wearing his seat belt, I wasn't!
I looked outside at the store. My mom was looking at the chocolate chip cookies. I suddenly felt the urge to run.
  Like run, away. I don't know where it came from but the only reason I could think of was to be alone. If Charley couldn't live happily, why the heck do I feel I deserve it. I came to the conclusion that when we arive home I was going to runaway!
If I couldn't run I couldn't live with myself. I would kill myself . I knew I was being rediculous. But if I was going to do the things I  do I  would do them because I hate myself for living instead of dieing.