Movin' In With Quagmire

Friendship up a level

When Saturday night rolled around, Quagmire and Brian arrived to the Drunken Clam, where they met Joe and Cleveland.

"Hey Quagmire," Cleveland said, "and Brian. Long time no see."

"Hey guys," Joe added, "Say, I'm a little confused."

"Me too," pointed Cleveland, "I thought you two hated each other."

"We did hate each other," Quagmire addressed.

Brian then added, "But we finally made up. In fact this guy has been taking care of me."

"What happened to you?" Cleveland wondered.

"Yeah," Joe restated, "What did happen to you?"

Brian then began to explain the story. He talked about how he got hit by the wrecking ball and how his family did not want to help him because he was not human. He also brought up Quagmire's shocking concern.

Telling his side of the story, Quagmire began, "My hatred towards him got replaced with sympathy and concern, and that sympathy and concern combined with Brian appreciating my hospitality brought us both together."

"So you've been spending all of your time taking care of Brian?" Joe responded.

"Pretty much," Quagmire answered, "I went from pervert to caretaker."

Brian then said, "His care humbled me. I never felt so in need like this before, but I also never felt this cared about."

"Wow, Quagmire has really turned over a new leaf," Joe responded, "But let's hope that he didn't lose his giggity."

"Don't worry," Quagmire replied, "I still got it. I just put it aside. That's all."

Changing the subject, Cleveland then suggested, "How about we play, 'Would you rather?"

Brian then said, "Sounds great."

"Just like old times," Quagmire added.

"YEAH! LET'S DO THIS!" Joe shouted.

Cleveland then asked, "Okay. Would you rather have sex with a pole or with an anaconda?"

Brian then joked, "It depends. If the second don't want none unless there's buns, then I go with it."

"I agree with Brian," Quagmire added, "I'd pick the one that's the most giggity, but then again, I already have an anaconda, so maybe I should go with the pole."

"But what if the anaconda is female?" Cleveland asked jokingly.

"Then I go with the anaconda," Quagmire said, "And if the anaconda were male and I was female, same thing."

A male anaconda and a female blonde were in the same bed.

"So, how are we going to have sex?" The female blonde wondered.

The anaconda then replied, "I will just slither inside your you know what."

The female human then agreed, "Great idea."

From inside the house, to outside, an excited squeal was heard.

"OH YEAH BABY! GET IN THERE! WOOOOOO!"

Meanwhile, it was Stewie's bedtime, yet he had trouble sleeping. Stewie felt a combination of happiness and sadness. Stewie shed a few tears and his heart hurt really bad, yet still smiled. Stewie could not stand this feeling. He still had his time machine to stop Brian from getting hurt, but he then would have stopped him and Quagmire from getting along and would then feel terrible for ruining such an amazing thing, but he also depressed that an amazing thing for himself and Brian was ruined.

"I'm glad that Brian and Mr. Quagmire are friends," he choked, "but I miss Brian and I'm lonely."

For four long hours, Stewie thought the whole situation over and the possible solutions. Finally, he lit up and said, "I know what I must do."

Stewie then grabbed a backpack and started packing his stuff. He then said to Rubert, his Teddy, "Rubert, we are running away to find Brian and be with him once again . . . Who cares about the rest of the family? Brian is my only friend and I am going to get him back."

He then pulled out a sheet of paper and wrote with a crayon,

Dear family,

I have ran away from home to be with Brian again, so don't bother to try to bring me home. It's for the best. Brian is my only friend and I am going to take care of him the same way he takes care of me.

Signed, Stewie

PS. Shut up, Meg.

Stewie then snuck out the window, with his rope shooter; got on his trike; and headed to Quagmire's house. Nothing was going to stop him from reuniting with his canine friend.