Movin' In With Quagmire

Brian, Come Home

That next morning, at the Griffin's house, Peter put on make-up, fixed his Miley Cyrus haircut and then went to the door, only to be stopped by Lois.

"Where do you think you're going?" Lois asked firmly.

"I'm going to visit my fans," Peter explained.

"No you are not," Lois said, "because we, including you, are going to visit Brian and try to get him to come home."

"But why?" Peter wondered.

"Peter, Brian is the voice of reason," Lois explained, "Our family has fallen apart ever since he left. The kids have been fighting, you won't stop pretending to be Miley Cyrus, and I am going CRAZY!"

Soon, Chris, Meg, and Stewie rolled down the stairs beating each other up.

"See what I mean?" Lois added.

"Okay," Peter said, "But you're the one who refused to pay for Brian's medical expenses."

"Well," Lois said, "It was wrong of me, but it was also wrong of you to injure Brian, feel no remorse for it, and pretend to be Miley Cyrus."

The kids continued to fight until Lois shouted, "KIDS, STOP FIGHTING!" And all three settled down. Meg, Chris and Stewie, but mostly Meg, were all covered in bruises.

"Now," began Lois, "I have made a get well card for Brian. It is on the kitchen table and I need each and every one of you to sign it."

She then led everyone into the kitchen where a big card was standing upright on the table.

"I have written," Lois said and then began to read aloud, "Dear Brian, We hope you get well soon. Peter is sorry he hurt you and we are sorry we never helped you when you needed it. We hope that you will find it in your heart to forgive us, as we miss you very much. Things haven't been the same since you were gone and even though you are atheist, you are still in our thoughts and prayers. Love your family."

"Aww, that is so sweet Mom," said Meg and Peter replied with his usual

"Shut up, Meg."

"Actually," Chris began, "Meg's right. This card is sweet."

"I agree," Stewie said and then sighed, "I really miss Brian. He was my only friend and now all I have is my imaginary friend named Todd, but he isn't as good as Brian."

"What's wrong with Todd?" Chris wondered.

"Are you a dumbass? Todd is such a douche. He is constantly getting me in trouble," Stewie answered.

Stewie was sitting on the sofa, eating cookies, until Lois entered the room.

"Stewie, have you been stealing cookies from the cookie jar?" Lois asked.

"Why are you pinning the blame on me?" Stewie responded, "Todd did it."

"Stewie," Lois said, "I know it was you."

"It wasn't me," Stewie protested.

After everyone signed the card, Lois said to the kids, "Now let's go and visit Mr. Quagmire and Brian."

Peter then moaned, "But what about my fans?"

"That's too bad Peter," Lois pointed, "and after we visit, I will schedule an appointment with my hairdresser to have your hair changed back. Now go upstairs and wash off that makeup."

"But Lois," Peter started to say.

"Do it," Lois demanded.

After Peter removed the makeup, everyone went to Quagmire's house and rang the doorbell.

Quagmire answered and said, "Hey Peter, Lois, Meg, Chris and Stewie. What brings you all here?"

"Hey Glenn," Lois said, "We came by to bring Brian this get well card and to talk to him."

"Sure, come on in," Quagmire said, "He is in the living room."

The family entered the house and saw Brian, who was lying on the sofa bed.

"Hey Brian," Lois said, "How are you feeling?"

"Fine, until you got here," Brian said rather pissed.

"Brian don't be like that," Lois said, "We really miss you and we came here to give you a get well card and to ask you to please come back home."

"Why would I come home with you?" replied Brian, "After what you have done to me I never want to come back home."

Meg then said to Brian, "Brian the family has fallen apart without you and you are the only one in the family who cares about me."

"Yeah," Stewie said, "And you are my only friend."

Chris then said, "I agree. Please Brian."

Everyone, except Peter began to cry.

"We're really sorry," Lois choked.

"Well is that fat bastard Peter sorry?!" Brian began to raise his voice, "WELL IS HE?!"

Lois, who was still in tears, then said to her husband, "Peter, what do you have to say to Brian?"

Peter replied, "I am pissed off that Lois is going to schedule me an appointment to have my hair changed back."

"Peter," Lois said rather shocked, "I thought you two were friends. I can't believe you."

Peter then said, "Lois, I have learned to live without a dog. Now if you will excuse me, I'm going to visit my fans."

"Actually Peter," Quagmire said, "Your so called fans are at the real Miley's concert."

As he snapped his fingers, Peter said, "Damn."

"Peter," Quagmire said, "You are really not yourself. I mean you are still idiotic, but since when did you start to hate Brian?"

"He made fun of my hairdo," Peter said, "And since when did you start to care about Brian?"

"Wait," Quagmire said, "You don't care that Brian is hurt all because he insulted your haircut?"

"I also am upset by how he has an issue with you too," Peter said, "I have started to realized that."

"Peter," Quagmire said, "Me and Brian have made up and I must agree with Lois that the new you sucks."

"I agree," Meg chimed.

"Shut up, Meg," Peter said to her.

Brian then chimed in and said to Peter, "Actually Peter, Meg has a point. I'm surprised that she hasn't moved out like I did."

Lois then said as she petted Brian, "Brian, we will do anything to make it up to you."

Brian then said, "I don't know if you really mean it."

"Trust me, Brian," Lois said, and to both Quagmire and Brian she said, "We have to go home now, but you two take care."

After the family went back home, Lois picked up the phone and began to call the hair salon.

"Hello . . . Yes, I would like to schedule an appointment with my husband Peter . . . next Wednesday will work . . . Thank you . . . Bye."

"You better not have called that hairdresser," Peter said defensively.

"Too late," Lois said, 'Already did."

"You dick," Peter replied, "I will get you for this."