How Long Can This Go On?(one direction fanfic) ~Editing~

Chapter 19 - Final Decisions

Chapter 19

I woke up in the hospital, my brothers at my side. Along with Zayn, Harry, and surprisingly, Ryder and his Fiancé. Or wife. I wasn't sure if they were married yet or not.

"Niall....where is he...?" Then I remembered. Dead. He's dead. My heart rate went up tenfold and I was having another panic attack. He can't be dead. He just couldn't be. I didn't want him to be.

"Ember, please just calm down." Zayn said, putting a hand on my shoulder. Calm down? Calm. Down? The person I loved just died and he was telling me to CALM DOWN. I started getting angry, and panicked even more. I was afraid I would die too, but then I realized I would be with Niall as well. And I had an idea. But before I could think it through, Harry stopped me.

"Ember." Harry said, with worrying eyes, calming me down. I looked into those eyes, and I saw a completely new expression in his face. It was an expression of worry, mixed with griefing. He mourned for Niall, as did I. He wished he was still there. Not just for me, but for himself. I never knew they were that close of friends.

Then I started crying. Crying for Niall, crying for Harry, crying for Ryder, for Zayn, Mallory, and most of all, myself. Everything, everything I had been through hurt like hell. But there was nothing I could do about it. It was my life. Unavoidable. But still, I cried. All the memories I had with Niall, I remembered. Each and every one of them. Then I thought about Zayn. And I started to remember those too. All of them. Like when my children were born. All of them. The birth, the pain, the relief, the joy. Everything. Soon I started to remember everything about my friends, and their experiences, and everything I had shared with them. As I cried, I thought about everything. And finally, I remembered everything about myself. My birth, even. My mothers face. Every little thing about my past I rememberd. And I cried even more. It hurt. And not just mentally. It physically hurt, like my head was on fire. And soon, I started screaming.

Then, it stopped. I had all of my memories. And all the physical pain stopped. And I stopped crying. The people around me still comforted me, but just randomly, all of a sudden, I stopped making any noise whatsoever.

"Get me my clothes." I said, or demanded. Harry was the one who got my clothes for me. No one asked questions, only Zayn.

"What do you think you're doing? You need to stay here and rest." He said. I sighed and rolled my eyes. He had always been like that.

"Zayn, sense when are you my mother?" I sassed him, finally looking up. He gave me a surprised look, that turned to anger.

"You have no right to tell me what to do, Zayn. I am my own person, and I make my own decisions." As I said that, his anger turned to embarrassment, like he finally got what I had been trying to tell him.

"Ember. I get it. Sense Niall is... Well anyway, I'm the only person on this earth that you love, and I should treat you like it. I'm so sorry." He put his hand on my knee, sitting down on my hospital bed. I aprishiated the apology, but then again, I didn't.

He's the only one on this earth I love? Did he forget I had brothers? Did he forget, that I would do anything for the person I truly loved. He just didn't know which one that was yet. Maybe he thought it was him.

"Zayn, please don't touch me." I said. He looked even more surprised, which I never thought I could see. I guess he became sensible, and backed away. Knowing that I was in pain, and didn't want to be bothered with.

Harry soon gave me my clothes, and put my shoes on the floor next to my bed.

"Come on, guys. Lets let her get dressed. Plus, we have to sign her out." I was really glad Harry was doing this for me, and I felt so horrible with the idea I had again started to gather, and I loved him. So I had to.