Love Me (Revamped)

Suffering

Rain

I laid in my bed thinking another failed attempt making me end up back in this place even longer. They're watching my every move like a hawk I can't even eat alone.

I've been on lock down for over a week because they were concerned about my safety. I'm wondering what sense does that make if I'm going to rot in a place like this with the rest of these lunatics.
I'm not crazy far from it, but the shit I've been through makes me go insane. One reason I wanted to take the easy way out and end it all.

You may say it's the cowardly route to go down but I don't care. I have nothing to live for anyway, I have no friends or family.

Now on my record I'm filed as suicidal and once that's on there its permanent. I see no point in them helping me because what I see is false hope.
I know what I've been doing lately is only hurting my chances of ever making it out of this place. In all honesty I don't care since I would rather be dead than alive anyway. Nothing can be worse than being stuck in life I'm currently living.
If somebody were put into my shoes they wouldn't think twice about giving me my life back.

There's not a damn thing I want to associate with these people in this place. There's no point because they not going to put me out of my misery so I'll insist on not talking to them.
The only thing that keeps me occupied is my pen and paper. You're probably wondering what I can possibly be writing about. A few years ago I had dreams of becoming a singer before the incident happened.

I found my music as a way to escape my infatuated thoughts. I wonder if one day my dream will come true but I highly doubt it since I'm trapped in this place.
I'll just get through these days one lyric at a time.

Dr. Alan

My days have been nothing but long and busy. I'm encumbered with patients and it seems like the list continues to grow. We just admitted more people into the institution yesterday and they still need to be placed into designated rooms.
I sighed to myself as I was doing my usual paperwork that sat in several neat piles on my desk. I guess this is the responsibility that comes along with being a doctor. My job gives me an advantage to learn a lot about my patients even though their life story is a burden they carry everyday.

Some of my patients I talk to aren't psychopaths they just have an issue dealing with their problems that causes their lucidity to gradually diminish. I was just about to finish my last file until I heard someone knock on the door. I raised my head and diverted my attention to Judy one of my nurses.
"Dr. Alan sorry to disturb you but Rain's having another one of her episodes again. I sighed to myself before pushing my glasses up from the brim of my nose, and putting the finished documents in the manila folder.

I placed my hands on top of the cherry wood desk before standing and dusting off my grey slacks and fixing my tie.
From the nurses' mien I knew this episode all to well. Walking briskly out the office door I proceeding down the long hallway with endless white walls. I made it through the set of double metal doors, and then made a right to the room I've seen copious times.
It started to bring back old memories the ones I wished to forget. A scene I hoped to go away as time passed. I swiped my id and entered the room that was in utter disarray.

The mattress was hanging off of the bed frame on the floor. She had pillows thrown across the room and the shade was hanging off the hinges leaning against the small square window.
As I took note of the scenery I could hear Rain's constant yelling in the background throwing everything in sight. More nurses came into the room, two of them immediately going to sedate her with medicine through a syringe.

One nurse held Rain by her arms while the other held her legs but I stopped them. "That's not needed I can take it from here." My dress shoes clicked against the tiled floors as I walked towards Rain's squirming body.
"Are you sure Dr. Alan?" Judy one of my head nurse assistants asked in a questioning tone. I gave a nod of approval and they all filed out of the room. I looked down at her body and saw she started to break out in a cold sweat hyperventilating.

I pulled her on my lap and cradled her in my arms then yelled for one of the nurses to bring me a cold towel. A sense of panic washed over me as I watched her eyes roll to the back of her head. One of the nurses came in with a cold towel.

I grabbed it out her hand and scooted to the nearest wall resting my back up against it. Her shaking calmed down as I dabbed the cool towel on her forehead. A few seconds later her brown orbs were back to normal. I sat there holding her tight in my arms until she fell into a deep sleep. Judy cleaned up the mess and I thanked her with a smile before she exited the room.
Using the wall for support I carefully stood up and carried her to the twin bed that was neatly made with fresh sheets. She slept so peaceful in my arms lightly snoring. I glanced at the dark black circles underneath both eyes from sleepless nights.

Pulling the sheets back I gently laid her down in the bed covering the blanket over her body. She stirred in her sleep for a bit until finally getting into a comfortable position.

I crouched down and whispered in her ear.

"Soon you will stop suffering"

If you liked my preview of my new story check it out !!!

http://my.w.tt/UiNb/uCjCXzbATA

Or just go on my page