essays

essay III → what do you love about yourself?

The question to be asked is simple; what do you love about yourself? One may be quick to say 'nothing'. Though, that statement is untrue. You love or like something about yourself even if you dislike what your appearance shows. But, what do I love? Ask me last year, I would have no answer for you. Last year, I didn't know myself as well as I do now. I love how I smell of coffee all the time, I love my personality, I love my reactions to books, I love how I learned to love myself. There are many things I love about me.

Now to focus on little things. You don't notice the little things until you try to become aware of small things. It took time, but I finally understood little bits a pieces, which helps with the big picture. I barely noticed I smelled like coffee until now but the two reasons were, 1. Someone pointed out one day , that someone smelled like coffee, 2. I always had this faint smell every weekend it was super strong. I thought it was from not washing up, but it is actually coffee. How I learned to love myself, I had to start with many small things.

Another small thing I love? The aftermath smell of rainfall. It has a specific name but I cannot remember since it was an odd spelling and it was the first time I ever saw the word. It smells relaxing, it puts a smile on my face. I love the puddles it makes , so I can step in them on my way home from the bus stop and distract myself from the distance.

A last small thing, is how I remember the small things that redeem someone as good. First impressions are not always what people are. I knew a boy who had ADHD, he seemed annoying and terrible at first, yet he wasn't. He redeemed himself in time while I stopped being defensive and just tried to understand instead of being rude. Another example of a boy, he seemed perfect at first, but with time it was revealed he was not. But that was fine. No one person is perfect, we have negative and positive traits that will cancel each other out.

Sometimes, I dislike my personality traits. They aren't award winning or bring me glory and pride. They could bring heartbreak, confliction even. They have before. Yet, I have amazing traits through my awkwardness and clumsy feet. I can be brave if I choose, prideful, funny. It is not easy to learn to deal with having bad personality traits, but it could be done eventually.

Now, a fact many people know about me, is that I love books. I adore them as much as any other could love a person. They are apart of me. I love to get lost in them when I cannot figure out my own life. You could find me with my head stuck in a book. Sometimes I will laugh loudly or silently at a funny moment in a book. Books are a way of learning to smile on your own, to enjoy your own company. I live through more lives than my own when I read. I enter the mind of the storyteller, my own thoughts lost except only to ask about the story. I learn more when I read than when a teacher rambles infinitely about a subject.

In order to love yourself you have to allow change to happen, to believe, to understand, and to learn. Some are afraid to change so they don't learn to love themselves. Some die because of it, because they thought they had no one that cared about them. Yet, you need to change, to live. Some people think you have to believe in God to believe in things like fate, but you don't. You can believe what you want. It's all a choice. Just as it's your choice to love yourself. So my question is, what do you love about yourself? Remember it doesn't mean what you love about your appearance, it means what you live about you, yourself truly.