Senior Year - A Collection of Work

I'm Sorry Sister of Mine

Slammed doors and constant yelling, that is what we were. Born by blood, separated by hate. Siblings, especially sisters, are told to be close to be close and at the very least to be civil with each other; our hatred toward each other surprised many to see that we treated each other with such disrespect. We weren't exactly the idea of "sister goals", we were more of the opposite of it. When you came to me all those days to help you with your depression, your self-harm, your issues, it surprised me and I ignored the cry for help. I shut myself away to keep myself away from our verbal abuse. After years of our verbal abuse we learned to keep quiet and lock up our emotions. You are a broken mirror, you are still you but you've been broken one too many times.

I helped you at times; I helped you many times but these times were different. I ignored you when you needed me the most. I knew you were depressed but I just stood by and ignored that the little sister who I was told to protect was having issues that I still have troubles within myself. I apologize for ignoring those days. I was too caught up in my own personal hell that I created for my self-conscience to see that those were my chances for me to help you. I ignored those chances and you were like a stubborn donkey all because I didn't help you get those issues out.

I'm no better, I am an idiot when it comes to understand that people are suggesting things or are implying things like their issues. As our Aunt said, "If you have a problem or an issue tell me straight or I want know what to do to help you." You are my little sister, I was supposed to, I was told to, protect you and help you when you needed it; instead I acted like a child and passed by my chances to be the person you needed, the person you asked for.

After you got into some trouble with our other Aunt for the pills, razors, and you were "lying" about them; you came to me to help you but once again, like every other time, I ignored it. The result was me losing you again. You're gone now, and it kills me knowing that I'm not there for you anymore.

You called me again asking for help a month ago, weeks after you left asking for help and answers to why I was the way I was, instead of answering I gave up on you and our dad. I refused to help or give any answers, I saw that I shouldn't have gave any answers but in reality, I should have. What can I do now? You're not coming home, you left and I now can't do a thing for you. I'm like a mule, I was too stubborn to help you. I had to deal with my issues alone and I thought you were the same, but now I know you're the complete opposite of me. I realize that now since I no longer see your pale white, freckled face when I go see our nephews. My lack of action led to this, I see that now.

Nowadays, there is no more anger, no more slammed doors, and no more yelling. It's quiet and void of the sister that I lost. I'm sorry for being incompetent and not willing to help you. You're gone, but I still get your calls. You sound happy up there, I wish I was able to help you and make you happy while you were here with me. Sorry doesn't fix it. But you and I can sleep easier knowing what I'm saying is true. You're my sister, nothing will change that fact. I'm sorry. You're still a broken mirror, but you're filled with gold, you're still broken but you made yourself something new.